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I'm Still Grieving, and Feeling Hope

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.

[Isaiah 30:18a NIV]

Corinne R. writes:

Another Season and the Yellow Butterfly

As I look back now, I don’t even know how I survived. I didn’t think it was possible to live another day, another week, another month and another year, but I have.

My grief journey continues to this day, such hard work, every day. For those parents who have lost a child, you all know too well how difficult this journey is.

Along the way, I felt as though I were stuck, unable to move forward and, of course, not wanting to. By moving forward, I felt that I would be leaving Olivia behind, accepting life without her.

I have moved on, but in a different way. I will always have a broken heart, my life is not filled with joy, nor do I look forward to the future. It’s too hard to look beyond today.

Well, about two years after Olivia’s death, I noticed that I was paying special attention to each season, seeing and appreciating the beauty of each one. This was something that I had not done before.

It was as if I was seeing through different eyes, eyes that were filled with much pain, eyes that still cried so many tears, eyes that longed to see my daughter again. Yet, I could see the beauty that each new season would bring.

As spring approaches, I find myself feeling so sad, crying more, as this is the anniversary month, another year.

I just want to see my daughter again, then it happens. I will go outside to look at the garden I planted for Olivia and while I’m outside, the Yellow Butterfly flies past me, as if to let me know Olivia is ok.

I see the Yellow Butterfly all the time now and I smile.

Yes, another Season and The Yellow Butterfly, my reminders that my daughter is always with me, always in my Heart. She is free, free to Soar, free to Fly, like the Yellow Butterfly.

“Peace your inmost soul will fill
When you’re still …”

Corinne Ruiz
Mom of Olivia Corinne Hoff

Story posted on Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 and is filed under Death, Sadness, Hope, Praise, Your Stories. | 3 Comments »

It's Still Painful and Sad

[Jesus speaking] “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

[Luke 12:34 NIV]

Corinne R. writes:

This morning I awoke with a sadness in my heart, as this is the day that I will be giving my daughter Olivia’s bed to my two little nieces.

The sadness is due to the fact that Olivia has not slept in her bed for four years. You see, Olivia passed away April 22, 2004. Since her passing, I have not been able to remove anything from her room.

When I found out that my little nieces needed a bed, I thought it would be nice to give Olivia’s bed to them. Yes, it is still very painful and sad to know that I will eventually have to put all of my daughter’s belongings away.

I decided to open my Bible and let God lead me to the words he wanted me to read. He led me to Luke 12:32-34: “Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I knew after reading these verses that Olivia would always be with me, as these were material things. She no longer needs them, as our Lord is providing her with all that she needs, his love for her and the promise that we will all be reunited one day.

I know that my tears will come as I slowly pack my daughter’s room, but I also know that she is always with me. I feel her presence every day.

Story posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 and is filed under Sadness, Death, Hope, Bible, Your Stories, Verses. | 3 Comments »

Why Did My Cousins Die?

For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

[Psalm 24:22 NIV]

Sarah B. writes:

I can’t forget something that happened a long time ago. One of my cousins died about 9 years ago when she was just a teenager, and I was mad at God for the longest time. But I still did everything that a church-going girl would do.

Now this past January of 2008, my cousin who was just 20 years old died from a car crash.

Why did this happen to my family twice? Why, why, why? I don’t understand.

I saw the fruit (the good things) that came out of my cousin dying 9 years ago: It brought her whole family to know Jesus as their personal savior. But now what? Why did my other cousin have to die?

It is just pushing my aunt and uncle further and further away from God.

Why did these things happen?

Thanks for listening,
a girl with many questions that need to be answered

Story posted on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008 and is filed under Death, Sadness, Your Stories, Conversions, Struggles. | 4 Comments »

My New Purpose in Life

“We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said.

[Acts 14:22 NIV]

Corinne R. writes:

I am the mom of Olivia Corinne Hoff, who passed away April 22, 2004. Olivia was only 14 years old. She died of a heart condition we knew nothing about, LQTS Elongated QT Syndrome, known as the silent killer of young adults.

I didn’t know how I would survive and live without my daughter. I highlighted this verse (Acts 14:22) because my daughter’s death is the most painful hardship I would ever have to endure in my life. I did think of committing suicide and going home to be with Olivia, but I knew this was not my purpose.

What was my purpose? How can there be a purpose for my life? How, with all my pain, my confusion, the huge hole in my heart, my lack of desire to go on, how can there be a purpose for my life?

Well, it has now been three years since the death of my only daughter, and here I am today sharing how God has rescued me and is revealing his purpose to me daily.

I now know that God is getting ready to put me on a journey I never thought I would go on — a journey of sharing my testimony and reaching out to other parents who have lost a child.

I believe with all of my heart that the Lord directs me every day of my life, he is in control of my life, he will show me how to honor my daughter’s memory. I just have to wait and listen.

“The best things in life are the result of being wounded. Wheat must be crushed before becoming bread, and incense must be burned by fire before its fragrance is set free. The earth must be broken with a sharp plow before being ready to receive the seed. And it is a broken heart that pleases God. Yes, the sweetest joys of life are the fruits of sorrow.”

Story posted on Monday, February 18th, 2008 and is filed under Praise, Hope, Sadness, Death, Loneliness, Your Stories, God's Sovereignty, Struggles, Verses, Suicide, Most Popular Stories. | 12 Comments »

Trust God to Be My Father

Pat Walker, Senior Manager for Scripture Grants at American Bible Society, shares how she struggled with depression after her father died. She was reminded to trust in God, that He would be her father.

Story posted on Friday, January 18th, 2008 and is filed under Your Videos, Sadness, Hope, ABS Stories, Struggles. | 1 Comment »

I'm Not Alone Anymore

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

[2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV]

Sarah C. writes:

My family has gone through a rough patch in the past year with my younger brother. I got left out by my family while they were dealing with all the trials they had, and I felt rejected.

But then I stumbled across this verse, and all those feelings melted away. This verse has given me hope that I’m not alone. I’m not worried about their attention anymore; I have God’s.

I am joining the Air Force soon, and this verse is going to be something I remember every day. I am going to basic training where I will be broken down, and then rebuilt. I can never forget this verse, I depend on it.

God is amazing, and I don’t know where I would be right now if I didn’t have him to lean on.

Story posted on Wednesday, December 12th, 2007 and is filed under Praise, Sadness, Loneliness, Your Stories, Grace, Life Verse. | 2 Comments »

We Lost Our Daughter

… for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

[Ephesians 5:14 NIV]

Lisa R. writes:

Our daughter Emily (in photo at left) was killed April 19, 2007, in a car accident due to tire failure.

She was sold out for the Lord, doing missions, reaching out to others and having a passion and zeal for God. She was to be married July 21 to the love of her life, but that never happened. We celebrated her wedding day at her grave, realizing that she is only sleeping - her soul is now in glory with Jesus, dancing, singing, rejoicing!

Our family looks forward to going “home” and being re-united!

Story posted on Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 and is filed under Sadness, Your Stories, Most Popular Stories. | 3 Comments »

I Know God's Will Is Best

Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck? For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest …

[Job 3:11-13 KJV]

Kelli M. writes:

After praying for years, we found out this summer that my cousin Jessica was finally pregnant. As you can imagine, we were all so excited for her. She was finally going to have her first child, and it was going to be a precious baby girl.

She traveled all the way from Washington to Michigan for a few weeks, and while she was here we all grew close to the baby already. We could feel her kick and watch her move around in the safety and comfort of her mom’s belly.

As the new baby clothes accumulated, Jessica and her mom got the nursery all set up, decorating it according to Jess’ dreams. While they were taking a break, they watched and laughed as they saw baby Maci rolling from one side of her mommy’s belly to the other and back again. They could imagine her giggling and smiling; maybe she would have bouncy curly hair, maybe big brown eyes. She couldn’t believe in two weeks she was going to have her own baby girl!

The next morning she noticed something was not right. So Jess made an appointment to see the doctor. Sadly they could not find Maci’s heartbeat. Jessica had to deliver her baby girl still. I cannot imagine the heartbreak that her and her husband were going through to see their little girl lifeless. They said that she was in heaven now, playing on streets of gold; she would not be content to come play in the grass.

As my family and I mourn their loss, we know God has a special plan for their lives, even though we can’t see it. They have already been an amazing testimony for the nurses that took care of them in the hospital, sharing the gospel with one.

As I was reading in Job about his tribulations, I came across the verses when he was cursing the day he was born. It just gave me comfort because we think that being alive here on earth is all that matters and that that is what would make us happy. If Maci would have been born alive, I don’t know if something bad would have happened to her or if temptations would have brought her down, but I do know that she is perfectly safe and holding her heavenly father’s hand.

I know that God’s will is best, and that she was so special that God wanted her with him right then. Praise God we have a heavenly father that cares enough to do what is best for us even though it’s not easy sometimes and we don’t understand His plan. Sometimes we think “I could never handle that,” and we couldn’t on our own, but God’s grace is sufficient and it’s not till we need it that He gives it to us abundantly. Only by Him can we make it through life’s seasons, good or bad.

Story posted on Monday, November 5th, 2007 and is filed under Sadness, Your Stories, Struggles, God's Sovereignty, Most Popular Stories. | 6 Comments »

Through a Glass: Testimony in Tragedy (1:46)

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

[1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV]

Members of Through A Glass tell how the loss of their 16 year old band mate in a car crash made 1 Corinthians 13:12 real to them.

Story posted on Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 and is filed under Sadness, Through a Glass, Bible, Video Stories, Verses, Struggles. | 1 Comment »

Jeni Varnadeau: struggle with death of sister

Christian musician, Jeni Varnadeau’s, sister died 6 years ago while working as a missionary overseas. She shares about that difficult time and how the Word of God gave her comfort through that time

Read Video Transcript

Story posted on Sunday, October 14th, 2007 and is filed under Sadness, Jeni Varnadeau, God's Love, Bible, Video Stories, Christian Families. | No Comments »