God Raised Me From The Ashes
Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the LORD himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.
From Brenda:
How do you fit 42 yrs of a lifetime into one story?? It’s hard to do and it is even harder to fit all of what God has done for me in a short story. But I will see what I can do.
At the age of 5 is when I started being sexually abused by a family friend. This abuse lasted until July 4 1976 when I was finally able to stand up to my abuser and tell him NO. Not only was it our nations independence day… it was mine also. Now let me ask you. Who was it who gave me the strength to do that??
Shortly after that I was walking home from school when I met a lady in the middle of the street. She gave me a card with a bible verse Matt 19:14. Let the children come to me and hinder them not. Well I came home with it and a friend of my mother’s was there.
“Do you have a bible?” She asked
“Yes I do.” I replied
“Well go get it.”
So I climbed to the top of my closet and got out my children’s bible. She taught me how to look up the verse and to this day because of her I know how to look things up in the bible. Her name was Beth. What a fitting name!! I attended the bible study for children the lady in the street invited me to. I don’t remember her name. All I remember was she talked about a boy who stuttered and how he was able to change the world. I was a little girl with a Learning Disability and wondered if God could use me just as he used that boy. It wouldn’t be but years later when I found out the answer to that question.
Years passed and I thought the worst was behind me but I was wrong. A very dark cloud loomed within my future. Not only had I been dealing with the abuse of a family friend I was also dealing with abuse at home by my mother. As I got older the abuse grew stronger. I found myself having social problems at school and I didn’t feel loved at all. We had moved to a new location and I wasn’t adjusting well at all. In the 6th grade things started to turn for the worst. The sexual abuse started again only this time it was a different person. My dad found out about it and he put an end to it but I still had problems with people at school, then I would come home and have problems with my mom, my parents and my brother would have horrible fights. My family was coming apart and I felt powerless to stop it. No matter where I went trouble followed me. I began to think that nobody loved me at all. Not even God. At the age of 12 I gave up on life.
I was home alone one day and decided to end my life. I got a knife out to kill myself. I pointed the knife to my heart when my hands started shaking so bad the knife fell out. I know that was an angel stopping me because what happened next was no coincidence. My mother came home with the groceries and it was my job to put them away. At the bottom of the bag was a free TV guide with all kinds of ads. For some reason I was drawn to it. I opened it up and the first thing I was saw was… “Reading the Bible helps.” Oh my word!! I knew this wasn’t chance. I knew someone wanted me to see that. So I got my bible out and started reading in Matthew. I loved reading the words of Jesus and would get disappointed when I got to Acts and Jesus wasn’t there anymore. So I would start over at Matthew.
Well the little girl grew into a teenager but the past abuses still haunted me and I was still dealing with emotional, verbal, and physical abuse from my mother. My dad was really the only one who really seemed to love me and because of the past sexual abuse, I was afraid of him. I wouldn’t get close to him. I was afraid of my own parents. In 1989 I lost my dad to a lengthy illness. I was 21. My world was devastated.
At the age of 17 I gave my life to Christ. I got on my knees then and promised that I would serve him the way he needed me. God was persistent to get me to that point. He never gave up on me. When I turned 15 he started sending people into my life who were pointing to him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I was just unsure of what they were talking about. I had been raised in a denomination for a long time and thought I was already saved. I meant it when I told God I would serve him.
I did go to college for a little while but the funds ran dry and I never finished but I had to get a job to pay the bills. That is when I got a job working with special needs adults. It was there I found my calling. I loved my job taking care of them. After 4 yrs of taking care of them I moved on to a nursing home where I received my Certified Nursing Assistant. My care giving had now been expanded to a whole new set of people. The elderly with dementia and who were sick. Jesus said whatsoever you do to the least of these you have done it to me. God held me to my promise of serving him. Every mouth I fed, every tear I dried, every hand I held, every dying person I ever prayed with, every person I listened to and everyone I helped. I was helping God.
- The little girl who once felt like she had nothing to contribute is now ministering to others as a lay minister. Counseling other abuse victims.
- The little girl who once felt unloved is now loving others with the love of Christ.
The little girl who was once beaten, put down, and sexually abused is now wrapping her arms around other victims and praying with them. - This little girl who once thought nobody loved her now has a wonderful little family who adore her and is now serving God the way he wants me to serve him.
I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor. He was there the whole time, he saw what happened and what the devil did to me he turned around and made it a blessing. He was there in the middle of it all and became my parent when my own parent failed. He is my loving father and I love him with all of my heart and I thank him for never leaving me or forsaking me like the people in my life who I trusted. He will never leave my side and when it is my time to go home, he will walk me home.
//From the SYSN Admin: Thank you for your amazing testimony Brenda! Please pray for Brenda, and leave comments on her post using scripture and kind words to let her know how much we appreciate her sharing with us. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share
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Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.
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