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God Raised Me From The Ashes

Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the LORD himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.

[Deuteronomy 31:6(GNT)]

From Brenda:

How do you fit 42 yrs of a lifetime into one story?? It’s hard to do and it is even harder to fit all of what God has done for me in a short story. But I will see what I can do.

At the age of 5 is when I started being sexually abused by a family friend. This abuse lasted until July 4 1976 when I was finally able to stand up to my abuser and tell him NO. Not only was it our nations independence day… it was mine also. Now let me ask you. Who was it who gave me the strength to do that??

Shortly after that I was walking home from school when I met a lady in the middle of the street. She gave me a card with a bible verse Matt 19:14. Let the children come to me and hinder them not. Well I came home with it and a friend of my mother’s was there.

“Do you have a bible?” She asked

“Yes I do.” I replied

“Well go get it.”

So I climbed to the top of my closet and got out my children’s bible. She taught me how to look up the verse and to this day because of her I know how to look things up in the bible. Her name was Beth. What a fitting name!! I attended the bible study for children the lady in the street invited me to. I don’t remember her name. All I remember was she talked about a boy who stuttered and how he was able to change the world. I was a little girl with a Learning Disability and wondered if God could use me just as he used that boy. It wouldn’t be but years later when I found out the answer to that question.

Years passed and I thought the worst was behind me but I was wrong. A very dark cloud loomed within my future. Not only had I been dealing with the abuse of a family friend I was also dealing with abuse at home by my mother. As I got older the abuse grew stronger. I found myself having social problems at school and I didn’t feel loved at all. We had moved to a new location and I wasn’t adjusting well at all. In the 6th grade things started to turn for the worst. The sexual abuse started again only this time it was a different person. My dad found out about it and he put an end to it but I still had problems with people at school, then I would come home and have problems with my mom, my parents and my brother would have horrible fights. My family was coming apart and I felt powerless to stop it. No matter where I went trouble followed me. I began to think that nobody loved me at all. Not even God. At the age of 12 I gave up on life.

I was home alone one day and decided to end my life. I got a knife out to kill myself. I pointed the knife to my heart when my hands started shaking so bad the knife fell out. I know that was an angel stopping me because what happened next was no coincidence. My mother came home with the groceries and it was my job to put them away. At the bottom of the bag was a free TV guide with all kinds of ads. For some reason I was drawn to it. I opened it up and the first thing I was saw was… “Reading the Bible helps.” Oh my word!! I knew this wasn’t chance. I knew someone wanted me to see that. So I got my bible out and started reading in Matthew. I loved reading the words of Jesus and would get disappointed when I got to Acts and Jesus wasn’t there anymore. So I would start over at Matthew.

Well the little girl grew into a teenager but the past abuses still haunted me and I was still dealing with emotional, verbal, and physical abuse from my mother. My dad was really the only one who really seemed to love me and because of the past sexual abuse, I was afraid of him. I wouldn’t get close to him. I was afraid of my own parents. In 1989 I lost my dad to a lengthy illness. I was 21. My world was devastated.

At the age of 17 I gave my life to Christ. I got on my knees then and promised that I would serve him the way he needed me. God was persistent to get me to that point. He never gave up on me. When I turned 15 he started sending people into my life who were pointing to him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I was just unsure of what they were talking about. I had been raised in a denomination for a long time and thought I was already saved. I meant it when I told God I would serve him.

I did go to college for a little while but the funds ran dry and I never finished but I had to get a job to pay the bills. That is when I got a job working with special needs adults. It was there I found my calling. I loved my job taking care of them. After 4 yrs of taking care of them I moved on to a nursing home where I received my Certified Nursing Assistant. My care giving had now been expanded to a whole new set of people. The elderly with dementia and who were sick. Jesus said whatsoever you do to the least of these you have done it to me. God held me to my promise of serving him. Every mouth I fed, every tear I dried, every hand I held, every dying person I ever prayed with, every person I listened to and everyone I helped. I was helping God.

• The little girl who once felt like she had nothing to contribute is now ministering to others as a lay minister. Counseling other abuse victims.
• The little girl who once felt unloved is now loving others with the love of Christ.
  The little girl who was once beaten, put down, and sexually abused is now wrapping her arms around other victims and praying with them.
• This little girl who once thought nobody loved her now has a wonderful little family who adore her and is now serving God the way he wants me to serve him.

I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor. He was there the whole time, he saw what happened and what the devil did to me he turned around and made it a blessing. He was there in the middle of it all and became my parent when my own parent failed. He is my loving father and I love him with all of my heart and I thank him for never leaving me or forsaking me like the people in my life who I trusted. He will never leave my side and when it is my time to go home, he will walk me home.

//From the SYSN Admin: Thank you for your amazing testimony Brenda! Please pray for Brenda, and leave comments on her post using scripture and kind words to let her know how much we appreciate her sharing with us. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Story posted on Sunday, January 16th, 2011 and is filed under Abuse, Drugs & Alcohol, Grace, Hope, Life Verse, Your Stories. | 8 Comments »

Strength, at gun point

I urge you, then—I who am a prisoner because I serve the Lord: live a life that measures up to the standard God set when he called you.

[Ephesians 4:1 (GNT)]

Jen says:

God would not give me anything I could not handle; sometimes I just wish he did not trust me so much!

He trusted me to try and save my boyfriend. I tried to talk him into putting the gun down, racked my terrified mind for the right words, anything to make him put down the AK47 he had pressed against his chin, finger on trigger, tears in his eyes. I remember standing there feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion. It was everything you would expect to feel if you were faced with that same dreadful image. Simply put, he was a human being. A beating heart, a lost soul, who knew nothing more than he was ready to end his life. But to me, that lost soul was my whole world. My lover, my best friend. Kevin.

There is no one word to describe how it felt to see him standing with that huge gun. It was a feeling I had never felt, I never even knew this feeling could exist inside me. I think about that feeling now, and recall the overwhelming intensity and how it consumed my entire being. A feeling I hope nobody in the world will ever understand, because it can only truly be understood if it is felt. To experience it is to feel it, and feeling it is the only way to truly understand it.

I was standing 6 feet away from him. He was at the bottom of the stairs in the basement; I was at the top, looking down. And I was there because God wanted me to be. I wanted to wake up, but this was not a dream. I wanted to say TIME OUT, but this was no Game. It was real. And it was life. And since my only choice was to keep living, God gave me the only thing that I needed in the moment, Strength.

Strength is what will keep me waiting, longing to share the remainder of this story with anyone who will listen. Please help me to be strong, send me your feedback, and let me know if you would care to read it. It is something that would mean a lot to me as for one time I’d like to help save…

//From the SYSN Admin: Please pray for Jen’s well-being, and leave comments on her post using scripture and kind words to let her know how much we appreciate her sharing with us. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Story posted on Monday, January 10th, 2011 and is filed under Drugs & Alcohol, Overcoming sin, Struggles, Verses, Your Stories. | 7 Comments »

I knew one day my son would return to The Word.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.

[John 5:24 (GNT)]

Donna says:

My son, Keith, was saved as a young child while attending a local church and I KNEW that one day…….one day he would come back to The Word. As the scripture says; He that believeth in ME shall have everlasting LIFE.

I struggled with Keith and his drug addiction for over 20 years. Keith was in and out of rehabs throughout the county we live in and the neighboring counties. He was in hospitals from our city to Jacksonville, FL. Keith lied to us, stole from us and betrayed us. My fear was one day getting a call informing me that Keith was dead.

Two years ago Keith decided to steal my car and drive to Jacksonville, FL which is a 4 hour trip from my house. I was without transportation for 5 days. At the time I was fearful of Keith’s safety, doing drugs and driving. There was no way for me to know where he was. I called all the hospitals in my area, no Keith. I called the jails in my area, no Keith. Finally on the 5th day I received a phone call from a hospital in my town letting me know that Keith was in their rehab wing and that my car was in the parking lot. I went to go pick up my car and Keith had been in an accident in it, there were 2 flat tires…..the car was a mess. For over 20 years I have stood by Keith in ALL that he had to go through but, him taking my car and leaving me stranded and then wrecking my car angered me. It was the “straw that broke the camel’s back”. I called the hospital and informed them that I did not want to see Keith nor did I want him to ever come home again.

They say that an addict has to hit “rock bottom” before they realize what they have done to themselves and others due to their addiction. I did not hear from Keith for over 4 months. In those 4 months I was deeply depressed that I had to turn my son away. I did not answer the phone, I did not go on the computer and I did not watch television. I stayed in my bed for 4 months as the pain was so great in my heart. Each and every day I wondered if he was safe and where he was.

I received a phone call from Keith 4 months later explaining to me that he had found this 18 month program called Boley. Boley is a rehab center but they do more than what most rehabs do. Keith had to stay on their premises 24/7, he went to classes each and everyday to understand his addiction and why he became addicted in the first place. He had to go through the 12 step program. The staff gave him his medication everyday. He could see me only 1 weekend a month until he built up trust with the Boley staff.

On July 17, 2010 Keith has been clean for two years. Boley paid to put him through high school. Boley got him set up to go to college and Keith is now in his 4th semester and I might add is on Dean’s List. Keith is working a full time job and he takes care of me as I am disabled. There are times when I still feel so very bad by turning my son away from me but Keith tells me that he would not be the man he is today had I not done that for him. That was Keith’s lowest point in his life, being cut off from me. Keith is 40 year old and I PRAISE GOD each and every day for Keith and how GOD changed his life around.

//From the SYSN Admin: Please pray for Donna and her son, and leave comments on her post using scripture and kind words to let her know how much we appreciate her sharing with us. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Story posted on Sunday, January 9th, 2011 and is filed under Drugs & Alcohol, God's Sovereignty, Praise, Prayer, Struggles, Verses, Your Stories. | No Comments »

From Addiction to Redemption

So then, anyone who hears these words of mine and obeys them is like a wise man who built his house on rock.

[ Matthew 7:24 (GNT)]

Erik says:

I used drugs since I was about 16 years of age, and by the time I was 20 I was a heroin addict. I was a “Christian” since I was a little boy only because I grew up in a Christian home, but it wasn’t until 2004 that I really found God.

I still continued to struggle with my addiction until about 4.5 years ago when I finally overcame it. Since then, I met my wife and her little boy, whom I’ve taken as my own and we started building a life together. I always kept the part in Matthew 7 about the “wise and foolish builders” close to my heart, because as I rebuilt my own life I knew I had to build it on a solid foundation.

I’ve used Jesus’ words and other scripture as guidelines for everyday living, realizing that the more I’ve applied Biblical principles to my life, the better my life has become! Today I’m blessed with a beautiful family, good job, and I have the privilege to minister to people who struggle with addictions as I once did.

Glory to God, I love you Jesus!

//From the SYSN Admin: Erik’s story is an inspiration to others. Please comment on his post using scripture and kind words to let him know how much we appreciate him sharing with us. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Popularity: 7% [?]

Story posted on Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 and is filed under Drugs & Alcohol, Overcoming sin, Praise, Verses, Your Stories. | 1 Comment »

Redeemed through Christ

I am the LORD your God; I strengthen you and tell you, “Do not be afraid; I will help you.

[ ISAIAH 41:13 (GNT)]

Gail says:

At the age of four I was abused sexually, physically emotional and mentally. Misdiagnosed and overdosed by the age of 18, I was discarded from society by the system. Without hope, genuine love, or support, I ran and escaped from reality for years by abusing alcohol and drugs. Living homeless in snow storms and finding myself in jails, and more institutions then I care to mention, I hit bottom when I finally ended up in a women’s prison. But it was in prison that I discovered the truth: Jesus Christ was the only One who would always be there for me!

I had burned bridges, relationships destroying all that was in my path. And through it all…Jesus was still there by my side. As I wept hopelessly, filled with utter despair He was present with His arms stretched out in that cold single cell. Scared, confused and feeling worthless, I cried out and with sheer desperation, ” Jesus Christ to come into my heart, my mind and to dwell…inside me.” I could feel the Lord speak and say,“ Gail…I have never left…it was you that left me…I am the only way…I am the truth and Life…whosoever…cries out, invites me into their life to take up ownership…You belong to me and always have…I am here with you, I love you and I am holding your right hand. Open my word, talk with me…fellowship with me…ask, seek and you will find…the truth…the way and a new life in Me.”
Today instead of doing time for the county…I work for the county in an honored position to help others who are homeless, helpless and lost. I am more than a number or statistic and my past did not determine my future. I am reborn, a new creation and more than a conqueror. I am a joint heir unto His Kingdom at hand. I am saved, sanctified and forgiven. My mind is renewed daily! I was doomed to die with a lifestyle with gangs, drugs and alcohol, but I was pardoned, protected, with Jesus with me through it all.

I am proof that Jesus Christ is real and he can take anyone, any circumstance and change it in the blink of an eye! Today I live for Christ, because He died for me, he rose on the third day with a gift unlike any other…the gift of the Holy-Spirit who intercedes on my behalf…when I don’t know the way, or what to pray for…He does. God loves us more than we can comprehend. His thoughts and ways are too high for us humans to comprehend. Trust in the Lord, with all your heart! Think to yourself, no matter what issues you have: If God can take a former prostitute, drug addict, alcoholic, and murderer (abortions), and gang-member like me and turn my life and heart around, He can and will do the same for you. He is the Vine; I am His branch. He leads, I follow. His word is a lamp unto my feet. I am a blessed and highly favored woman, of the Most High God. If you don’t know Him…get to know Him by simply talking with Him….like you would a best friend. There is no One like Jesus!
Did I mention….I have a promotion…it just gets better and better each step He leads unto His path of righteousness! Blessings, in Jesus name!

//From the SYSN Admin: What an incredible story of redemption! Please join Gail in rejoicing in the name of Jesus, and commenting on her post. Please also comment on Gail’s story using scripture and kind words. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share
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Circle of PrayerCircle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Story posted on Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 and is filed under Conversions, Death, Drugs & Alcohol, Grace, Overcoming sin, Praise, Prayer, Your Stories. | 6 Comments »

Candy Christmas – Ministering to the Homeless

Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless poor. Give clothes to those who have nothing to wear, and do not refuse to help your own relatives.

[ Isaiah 58:7 (GNT) ]

Christian artist and worship leader Candy Christmas talks about ministering to the homeless in Nashville.

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Circle of PrayerCircle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Story posted on Thursday, November 4th, 2010 and is filed under Drugs & Alcohol, Grace, Life Verse, Video Stories. | No Comments »

Fighting My Son’s Addiction

But after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who calls you to share his eternal glory in union with Christ, will himself perfect you and give you firmness, strength, and a sure foundation. To him be the power forever! Amen.

[ 1 Peter 5:10-11 (GNT)]

Christine says:

My battle with my son Kyle’s drug addiction had been long and difficult, but my prayer was unrelenting. On a Thursday morning, it was decided that my son was going into rehab for one year. He wanted to get clean so badly, and although I tried to get him into a program 2 months ago but the judge blocked it ordering my son to 160 hours of community service, I didn’t get it. I pleaded with the judge to send my son to go to rehab, I had set it all up and b/c he was on probation they needed permission, but to no avail. One night not long after, he texted me one night at 2am and said- “I love you” – that was it…I knew something was wrong! Everything that was in me was on alert, not that those words are rare but just something about it screamed “goodbye.” So I called 911 and had a unit sent to his house and they took him in. He didn’t stay in recovery for very long, actually he left himself after just one day.

A few days after yet another failed attempt on my part to get my son help from the judge, my son broke probation by showing up late, and told the probation officer to please send him to jail- he just wanted off the streets because he felt that he was going to die. His probation officer made a call and said, “ok, you have 24 hours to get into rehab or I will send you to jail.” My son called to tell me the good news, but nothing could prepare me for what happened the night before he went into rehab.

The whole day before Kyle was set to leave for rehab, I was praising God because it was finally happening – and a few hours later my world crashed. I was at church giving the “praise report” when I got a call from emergency telling me that my son had been shot. My heart stopped. My son had given the store clerk my number as they both waited on the police. I rushed over to the store and saw him on the ground covered in blood with paper towels all over his left eye. With a weak voice, covered in blood, he said, “Mom- it’s ok- please don’t worry- I talked to God, he is here with me, I am going to heaven. I will see you there- please don’t cry for me, I am ok- I am ready.”

I just stood there frozen. Time stood still for me as the helicopter landed and airlifted Kyle to the hospital. I was so numb on the way to the hospital but I kept praising God. In my heart I knew he was dead, but I was thanking God for allowing him the chance to not only get right but to allow me to know he was going to heaven. I just thanked God because my biggest fear in this journey was that he would end up dead, and I would not know if he got right, the thought of him burning in hell for eternity would have put me in a nut house. So I was very thankful that God allowed him to go this way. I was truly comforted in the most insane way. All I could think to do was sing praise songs, I was alright.

I got to the hospital and I sat there waiting, wondering how the Doctor would come tell me my son, my baby was gone. My mom was there, the Pastor and his wife, my friend Beth and her husband, Kyla was on her way- my ex in laws were there, Kyle’s girlfriend and her friend- Ann was there (she drove me) – and I told them all how much I was comforted. I think they all thought I was just in shock. Finally, the Doctor came out and said, “Ma’am, I am so sorry.” I was shaking my head because I already knew the news. I knew he was gone, and yet I had such a peace imagining him playing the guitar and hanging with Jesus.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor continued, “I really tried but just could not save his eye.”
I looked up in complete confusion and said “excuse me?” The doctor clarified, “I really tried to save his eye but there was too much damage.” Still utterly confused, I asked “…is he alive?” The doctor said, “Oh yes, he was incredibly lucky, the bullet went in on the side and exited out of the cheek and missed the frontal lobe by a hair. His right eye still has 20/20 vision and it completely missed his brain. There is no sign of brain damage – he will make a full recovery. Tomorrow morning we will go in and clean it up and sew up the area. Would you like to see him?”

I was stunned. My heart was pounding. I could not believe it. God had spared him. I was speechless. I met the comforter that night and I still have no words to describe it. I was in awe. I felt so loved by my Father in heaven. I went into his room and I didn’t see the 21 year old drug addict. I saw my son. For a moment I was flooded with the reality of everything, and I just stared and soon focused in on the oxygen mask, neck brace and bloody gauze covering his left eye.

I took his hand, and at that moment he squeezed my hand and said “I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I told God in the helicopter if he let me live I would turn my life around and use it for him. At first I was relieved to die, I said yes God- all this pain will be over, I am ready. And then I was in the helicopter and started thinking about you and grandma and grandpa and how much I have hurt everyone and I asked that God please let me make it right.”

I think God was holding me because I was just swaying back and forth with my heart exploding with love. I had experienced a glimpse of Abraham’s heart. I had laid Kyle down at the altar, at His feet, and God spared him.

//From the SYSN Admin: Isn’t it absolutely amazing how God works? Please comment on Christine’s story, and remember to also Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Story posted on Wednesday, October 20th, 2010 and is filed under Abuse, Drugs & Alcohol, Parenting, Prayer, Your Stories. | 15 Comments »

My son, the angel

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

[ Psalm 27:10 (NIV)]

Agnes says:

After losing my only son (Prince Shem) who died on 10th May 2010 at the age of six months, I thought that life wouldn’t continue, because at that time I could not understand the purpose for of living. I longed to commit suicide, and involved myself in drugs and drinking so that I could be relieved of the incredible sadness. Even though I suffered a great deal of emotional frustration and anxiety during my pregnancy, as my child was the result of my then boyfriend raping me, my son’s birth turned that darkness to REAL LIGHT.

My son was my pride and joy, my everything! After a great deal of heartache involving my Son’s father, who left me for another woman, my son’s father started to visit us, which really filled my heart with love. Unfortunately, a great deal of pain and sadness was about to be brought into my life, and a drastic change in my life occurred. I was at work, just like any other day, and I received a call from my brother who told me to come to the hospital immediately. When I arrived, I found my son lying there, dead. I was beside myself, and all I could do was scream, “Why God? Why?!” Later I found out that while my son was being fed porridge, the food went down his throat in the wrong direction, causing his airway to be blocked.

It has been hard but through verses such as Psalm 27:10, I have been strong, knowing that the creator is the taker, he was only my gift for a short time. And God has a reason for taking him away. I always believe He needed more angels and my son was one of the best.

Never question God. He always has a reason.

//From the SYSN Admin: What heartaches has God brought you through? Please comment on Agnes’s heart wrenching story, and also Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Story posted on Wednesday, October 20th, 2010 and is filed under Death, Drugs & Alcohol, Suicide, Your Stories. | 2 Comments »

Facing Danger by Seeking God’s Shelter

God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid, even if the earth is shaken and mountains fall into the ocean depths; even if the seas roar and rage, and the hills are shaken by the violence.

[ Psalm 46:1-3 (GNT)]

Kay (KMS) says:

When I met KC, he was distraught. I tried daily to get him better, and soon we took our friendship to the next level. The first year of our relationship was great. Then we decided to move in together. That’s when he changed into his TRUE self. He started to drink heavily around me. This man was able to drink a case of beer and still function!!! That tells me that he was always this way!! It got to the point that he was drinking two cases a day, sometimes three. On top of that, he was taking Xanax… at least 4 bars a day!

One night, I came home from work to find him drunk on the front porch. He had locked himself out of the apartment. I got him in and asked him how he managed to do that. I instantly got kicked in the face with a steel toed Doc Martin. He told me I was a **** and deserved the boot to my face. He then proceeded to passed out on the porch. He cried the next day and told me over and over that he was sorry for what he had done to me, and I forgave him.

Time had gone on, and his drinking continued to get worse, except now he was also out of work. I wasn’t able to pay off any of my debt because I had to pay the rent, all the utilities, buy the groceries, and make sure that his son (from another relationship) was taken care of (He was 6 by this time). The abuse got worse. He started putting me down. This cycle went on for five years. He would throw my abortion in my face (yes, I had one when I was 18 because I was on hardcore drugs. My doctor showed us the irregular fetal development and suggested a termination. I still have not forgiven myself for it, and I shared my pain with him just for him to use it against me…mental/emotional abuse). He would ask me where my other child is, and then would proceed to tell me that my child was scraped and flushed down a toilet. He brought me coat hangers and told me to get to scraping. He would tell me that he wondered what my child would have looked like and then continue with it by telling me that we would know if I wasn’t a baby murderer. I would cry because I felt the same way about myself. I felt like I was a baby murderer. Then I would get angry because I shared something painful about myself with him for him to understand where my mind goes when I see children of a certain age group, and he used it as a weapon against me!

His abuse took a toll on me, and I began to hate my life. I looked in the mirror and began coming up with an alibi for his “disappearance”. I was willing to kill him if that was what had to be done for me to be free. The negativity grew to the point where I was willing to kill myself just to be free…neither solution was a good one. I finally left the relationship status in late May 2009, but he lived at the same house. We had separate rooms. I started dreaming about an old friend by this time, JS, someone I hadn’t seen in years. In my dreams, he was in turmoil. We were reconnected via the internet. We started hanging around each other in late June. I told him my story, and he shared his. I remember him being bitter about his situation, and I told him to forgive. Forgiveness is not for the person, it is for you!

I felt as if God brought us together for a reason because I could feel his pain before I spoke to him, and according to him, he was thinking about me just before he saw a message from me. I thought to myself, “That had to be GOD!” Naturally, two people connecting with common background found comfort in one another, and of course one thing led to another, and I fell in love… I’m not exactly sure what he felt, but I know he felt something because of the texts and conversations we had. Plus, he told me he had strong feelings for me (but I think it was because I got pregnant). Note that I have known this man since I was 14 years old. Sometime in July, I found out I was pregnant.

I just knew in my heart that this child belonged to JS. I needed to escape because KC was literally choking me at home. He held me up in the air by my throat with his 9 year old child watching. I finally was able to break free, and I run down the street to call JS. When I called JS and told him that we needed to talk,  he picked me up and took me to his house to stay the night.

I went to Seattle at the end of July and JS came back to Phoenix City by this time. We talked all the time while I was gone. I missed him more and more, every minute that we were apart. I was in love. It was wonderful. I came back to Columbus in August with my sister. Shortly after my return, JS left to go to Louisiana. He was supposed to find us a place to live together. While he was gone, we remained in close contact with one another. Things didn’t work out as planned, and he returned home, which actually made me happy. Not long after JS came back, KC found out that I was pregnant. He told me that if this child belonged to my friend, he was going to kill me, the baby, and JS. I KNEW he really would have done it! I started pushing JS away, fearing for his safety. I never gave him a real good reason as to why, but most importantly I needed to protect him from KC. I loved him enough to want to see him happy without me rather than being miserable with me, and miserable is what he would have been because KC would have stalked us forever! Not long after that, I finally packed my stuff and ran away to San Diego.

KC found me, just like he said he would. He followed me there and brought me back to Columbus. We fought every day, but he stopped hitting me by this point. He told me that the baby wasn’t leaving his side and since the baby was in me, then I had to stay as well. Utter misery!!! I finally had my baby in March. He showed up 3 days after my due date. My miracle baby! I say this because I went into premature labor in February. The doc was able to stop it, and I was on bed rest. Labor came back in March. During delivery, the baby’s heart rate was rapidly increasing, and I ended up having a seizure. I had to have a c-section. My baby is healthy now, but barely living when they pulled him out. The doc told me that we both almost didn’t make it, but God is great and he got us both through it.

I began trying to get in touch with JS after MK was born. He never replied to my emails or texts or notes, so I gave up because in my mind he obviously never cared about me or the baby. I know this is not the truth, but in my mind it was. My mind was still sick from all the abuse, and I felt that all men were out to hurt me. Not long after that, KC found out that I was trying to get in touch with JS. KC got drunk and began beating me up with my new baby in my arms. All I could do was curl up into a ball and lay my body over my son’s so that he would not get hurt. While on the ground, curled up, I was kicked repeatedly in the head, face, back, anywhere that foot landed. KC passed out, and I took off again. I called my cousin KO and went back to San Diego. KC would call me over and over telling me that he was going to kill me if I didn’t bring his son home. “Kill me then,” is what I thought. I would just rather him kill me than have to hear his voice again!!

During my stay in San Diego, I started thinking about my conversations with JS about Jesus and God. I always believed in God, but I never believed in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. We got into debates about this topic. He gave me a Bible, and I finally pulled it out of my bag and began to read it. JS is the reason that I am saved today. He guided me to the Lord and I am so thankful for him! I read his note in the front cover of my bible every morning:

“To my good friend KMS. I hope that when u read it, that it helps you the way that it has 4 me. I pray that u find all the peace, love, & joy that u deserve in life. Never 4get that the Lord loves u and is there 4 u. And so am I! J….”

The Bible and this note helped to heal my heart. I returned to Columbus in May. I tried to get in touch with JS one more time, but this time I didn’t leave any contact info. I got a response back from his mother, telling me that he is happy for my relationship with the Lord. During this time, I was also informed that he was happily married. Wow! My heart shattered instantly, but I could do nothing but be happy for him. I have learned that if you really love someone, you want them to be happy regardless of who they are happy with. Then it dawned on me that this is the first time that I have ever really loved someone like that, but this story is for another time.
While in Columbus, KC would visit with my son often. Then suddenly he stopped contacting me. His new girl didn’t like me. I didn’t really care, but I told his family members that if he wants to see MK then he needs to be an adult and have contact with me because I can’t just keep contacting his family to find out what his plans are. He got drunk and showed up at my dad’s door (while everyone was on vacation) and we went blow for blow! I delivered a beating right back to him. I wasn’t about to just sit there and let someone try to kill me. In this fight, I broke his nose and split his ear open. He fractured my cheek bone, cracked my ribs, and swelled my eye shut. I finally called the police on him. He was charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, and aggravated stalking. He was released on bond, and instantly sought revenge on me. I have been jumping from place to place, hiding.

The cycle doesn’t seem to end. Now I pray to God that KC gets the help that he needs and that MK and I can find our next safe place to stay. No place is safe for long because he knows all the people that I know who are willing to take us in for a while. Hotels/motels are out of the question… he found us there once by driving through all the parking lots!! That’s a dedicated abuser in need of some serious psychological help along with prayer! I am now determined to do whatever I have to do to make sure that MK and I are safe.

This is my story, and God is how I overcame the abuse. Though I am not completely out of the boiling waters yet, at least I took that first step. I have one leg out and the other one is slowly following. The process is not easy, and it is not quick (especially if you have a dedicated abuser after you), but it is possible.

I know God is standing by me, getting me through all of the pain! For those of you who are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. I just recently discovered that I am not alone! Now I have support from strangers, but these strangers who are helping me and supporting me and offering up prayers for me…these people are more of God’s gifts to me…he sent them my way to help me heal, and I am thankful for each and every single man and woman in my life that has offered up their support!! God bless you all!

Here is a quote from a song called “Survivor” by Jeff Ott, which I look to for comfort:
“I made a bag out of a piece of cloth. I made a wish and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. I put the paper in the bag and wished with all my heart. I said, please deliver me; low and behold it became reality! So I can say today: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE GOD CREATED ME TO BE TORTURED. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE GOD CREATED ME TO BE ABANDONED. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE GOD CREATED ME TO BE NEGLECTED. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE GOD CREATED ME TO BE ABUSED! I picked up the pieces of my broken heart off the dirty boulevard. I found a punk rock kid who had a needle and some leather string. I made a wish and I said it again and again. I took the needle and threaded it. I sewed my broken heart back together again!”

//From the SYSN Admin: Please pray for KMS and the safety of her child. Please also comment on her story and provide encouragement through scripture and kind words. Also remember to Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share
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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Story posted on Thursday, September 30th, 2010 and is filed under Abuse, Divorce & Marital Conflict, Drugs & Alcohol, Suicide, Your Stories. | 4 Comments »

My Life is NOT OVER!

Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come.

[ 2 Corinthians 5:17
(GNT)]

Donna says:

I am 43, nearly 44, and I have been on disability the majority of my life because of severe mental depression through many different traumatic circumstances that occurred during my childhood. I chose to make a lot of bad choices, and through those choices it nearly cost me my life.

I have been through some terrible things; rape, molestation, peer pressure, or childhood aberrations “you’re worthless, no good and you will always be just like your father”; I heeded to those words took them straight to my heart and lived everyday as a shameful, disgusted, ugly, worthless, no-good human being .

I was raised in a private Christian school, and the word of GOD was instilled in me at a very young age; PRAISE BE TO GOD FOR THAT, or I would not be here today! I became promiscuous at the age of 14 because my “father” who was the apple of my eye became deathly sick, and he died at the age of 48 years old. That was 2 years before he died; I became pregnant and was taken to the NORTHSIDE FA MILY PLANNING CLINIC and MADE to have an abortion. That is when I separated myself from GOD my Heavenly Father, and my father on earth, and I blamed my mother for not speaking up for me for many years.

Now, as I look back and in knowing those 30 years ago a woman in the household had “no say so”, and she also worked 2 jobs just to maintain our family household. Today, my Mother and my daughter are everything to me, and without their prayers growing up; I know that I would not be here today. I was so angry at the whole world, so full of blame, rage, vengeance, guilt, shame, remorse, confusion and hatred, and my self-esteem was so low that I drank and drugged every day just to cover-up the pain.

I was saved in 2001 by the Grace of GOD at Dalton House of Prayer by; believe it or not a Pastor who was my former dealer and today is still my brother in CHRIST, friend, mentor, and Pastor. However; I had so many strongholds that just could not be broken so easily, it was not as simple as “just get saved”, go lay it all down at the alter, and go on your healed… NO! I had 28 years of demons that were lurking around inside of me that had to be renounced! I had been a prostitute for over 20 years, so everyone I slept with that they slept with that they slept withes demons; I now had. I had played around with tarot cards, demons of lying, manipulation, demons of suicide and depression. I knew the Word of GOD, and I knew I had to read and study, but I just couldn’t shake this feeling that I had in my chest that I just couldn’t put my finger on. .

I just knew every time I had that feeling “I had to have a drink or a drug. That feeling was called “EMOTIONS” and I did not know what they were. You see; I only knew 2 emotions ~ RAGE and ANGER! Anyway, I just couldn’t fight that battle and, I went back out to the streets for a couple more years. Well, a great Blessing came when GOD shut my liver down, and I literally “lost my mind”. I could not stop drinking, and here I was on Interferon going down to Atlanta every week, and the Doctors saying there was no hope. My family has even to this day paid for my funeral. Then one day, the Doctor came in and said, “Miss Gentry, someone up stairs really loves you, because you liver enzymes are dropping”. My family took me home, put me in the bed, and begged me not to open the door. The devil came knocking, and I willingly opened the door.

There was a man; who is dead today, and another friend with all the illicit drugs that I needed to end my life. I was as green as a lime when my mother saw me 2 days later; because she couldn’t track me down. She took one look at me, and walked out the door, and said “I had rather see you in that casket than to see you live your life like this anymore” and she left. My daughter was 17 and had already moved in with my mother.

I don’t recall how long that I laid in my own feces and vomit, but when I cried out to JESUS and a sk HIM “what do you want with me?” “Why will you not just let me die?” In that instant something happened to me. I got up, cleaned up, and called another friend in the church that had been through similar experiences; he came and got me and took me to a “meeting”. GOD used those “meetings” as a scalpel for 1 year of my sobriety, and then he moved me into the Christian 12 steps of recovery with so many loving women that I learned how to love like CHRIST, feel my emotions and then I could teach others the way to CHRIST. I have made so many mistakes’ through the years, but to me they were only lessons learned on this journey through life. I am often asked now, “do I feel once an addict always an addict?” My answer is NO! I was saved by GRACE, and through FAITH GOD made me a new creation.

2 Cor. 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in CHRIST JESUS he is a new creation, all things have passed away and all things have become new”! If the Son is Free, then I am free in deed. I was the problem; not the drugs or the alcohol, and once I realized that I had to take responsibility for all of my faults, and stop blaming others, then GOD starting repairing me! It is amazing at how just saying “I am sorry for the bitterness that I have had in my heart for someone can release a person from so much! It was also during this time that I went to a Perry Stone Conference and was baptized to pray in the SPIRIT, and then I met a man who was in deliverance. Praise is to GOD, because I had so many strongholds from being a prostitute for 20 years, there were just some possessions that did not want to leave me. Praise GOD for this man, through GOD, he worked with me for months, and 7 demons were cast out, and I was truly set free. I then met my other mentor and Spiritual Father and Leader, and from there; I started an Outreach Ministry, working with the homeless, domestic violence men, women and children, addicts and alcoholics. I have received my EMT license ; I have been through all but 2 classes of LPN school; and I had to withdrawal due to health complications. I am now finishing up on my Associates in Medical Assisting, and after an Achilles tendon reconstruction that was “botched” and no other Doctors wanted to touch me. I did not walk for 9 months, but I am walking now! I start clinical again in 3 months, and I am in desperate need of a car. I did not drive for 15 years; and now I have my license! I have had so many health complications, but I just tell everyone that “GOD is just fixing me from the crown of my head to the souls of my feet”! I have worked so hard for these past 6 years of my Deliverance and my Salvation in CHRIST to get off of disability and Medicaid. I am not perfect, and I do not know everything, but I try each day to live to the best of my ability and walk with integrity. I am a little nervous at jumping out on FAITH into the work world, and yet so excited; I just do not know what to do with myself , but I know that my GOD is way greater than my understandings, and HE did not start something in me that HE is not going to finish! I have been ask many times to share my story which is so much deeper than this; I know that I could write a book, if only I had a publisher or knew even how to begin; I use to say there is nothing that I have not been through, gangs, streets, fights, all kinds of violence, stories beyond stories, but then I realized; I never say never, and I never say yet… Because it might bite me in my BUTT! So, I found this web site and I thought I would share my story in hopes that it would help someone to be an over comer.

If you live in Dalton, I know you know ME, and so you know what I have been through…Believe you me, there is NEVER NO HOPE for ANYONE, and THROUGH GOD there is HOPE FOR ALL. MY STORY is NOT OVER, because you see GOD is not finished with me as of yet! I pray that the LIGHT of GOD will SHINE for ALL to SEE the GREAT WORK that CHRIST is DOING IN ME!!

//From the SYSN Admin: Please keep Donna in your prayers. What verses of words of encouragement can you offer? Comment on Donna’s story, and Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share

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Circle of Prayer

Circle of Prayer is a ministry of the American Bible Society, a Christian ministry that has been engaging people with the life-changing message of God’s Word for nearly 200 years.

Also check out our Bible Search and Scripture journeys tools.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Story posted on Thursday, September 16th, 2010 and is filed under Drugs & Alcohol, Hope, Illness, Overcoming sin, Struggles, Suicide, Your Stories. | 8 Comments »