“God release me from this abusive marriage!”
I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.
Cheryl says:
Philippians 4:13 (GNT) which says, “I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me,” impacted me in my life, and walk with God, when I was still living with my abusive husband. I was married for a little over 5 yrs and all he did was abuse me verbally, mentally and emotionally. I would always cry out to people and my family for help but he would always stop me from leaving. I also gave this man chance after chance and he would tell me he has changed but never did always the same person even after going to church and coming back to our apartment he would change for a week or so then back to the same old ways.
Each time I left him I would take him back because he made me think he had changed, but he never did. I have come to realize this marriage wasn’t Gods will for me or my life. I knew for sure the day he started throwing stuff at me getting angry at me… then even trying to hit me! I must of left him quite a few times before 3 weeks ago, which was when my brother-in-law told my sister Kim that I had to hit rock bottom until she and him would ever be able to help me. And I did. Now I’m living with them until my divorce is final.
I finally had God release me.
//From the SYSN Admin: Please keep Cheryl in your prayers. What verses of words of encouragement can you offer? Comment on Cheryl’s story, and Share YOUR story with us here: http://shareyourstorynow.org/share
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Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on September 8th, 2010 and filed under Divorce & Marital Conflict, Struggles, Your Stories.
September 9th, 2010 at 9:30 am
Cheryl,
I too was in a relationship like yours…twice. My first husband was and still is an alcoholic. I knew I could not live with him and continue his journey of alcoholism. I then met my second husband about 4 years later, and at first everything was great…but then the changes started and he was also just verbally and mentally abusive. I put up with him for almost 5 years before finally realizing that there was a better life out of there for me. I am now engaged to a wonderful man for the past 9 years. I have cold feet I think and am just very leery of taking the plunge and getting married again…but I know in my heart that he is a good man and not like my first 2 marriages. Continue to believe and have faith that God does have better things in store for you…just remember that it will be in His time..and not yours. God bless you sister!
September 9th, 2010 at 10:08 am
A dear friend of mine sent me this story. She is trying to be there and help me. I am in the same boat you were in except I haven’t left. He never changes and having a heart of gold I keep handing out chances. Which not only hurts me but, it affects my kids. I am so stressed and tired that I take it out on them. And it’s not their fault. I do everything around my house and he just sit’s on his computer. I work as well and tend to him and our kids. I am in a rock and a hard place and know how you felt and probably still feel. It is amazing you had the power to get out and I am sure he will be with you through the divorce. i will pray for you.
September 9th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Hello Cheryl, I want to congratulate you for having the courage to break free from the abuse. I have been married twice. I left my first husband just two years after we married due to his cheating, and his emotional, and some physical abuse. I never thoguht Id have the strength to do it, but I did. Since then, I met someone. I had a son with him so nowI have three children, and I married him back in April. He is an alcoholic. I for some reason thought that if we got married he would become a christian and his alcoholism would just go away. I have been finding that his emotional and mental and verbal abuse is getting worse and hes drinking more and more. I dont know what to do, I dont know what God says about this. I have already divorced once, and I dont know what to do. I dont want him to damage my children with his abuse, and the way he treats me is not ok either. I have been fighting a deep depression as well, and I feel inspired by reading your story. Maybe I can get the strength to change my life!!!!!
September 9th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
please lord teach me to have more faith I need you father God in the name of jesus
September 9th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
seek God and He will deliver you from your circumstances. Keep the faith
September 9th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I left my husband over 9 years ago and although I thought he changed and took him back (just dating) a couple of times, I realize that people don’t change – God changes them. If the Lord is not the centre of someone’s heart – THERE IS NO CHANGE, not the change we are looking for anyway. He didn’t change, he just hid it better. He went to church and said the right things, but after he didn’t get his way (one time when he asked me to lie), I saw the real him come out again. I may not be rich, but I’m happy. I paid for my freedom, but I’m free. No more tension in the house, no more yelling and hurting the kids. I have a peaceful, god-filled home and my kids are great. They have a good relationship with their Dad and they are happy and secure at home. I thought leaving him would ruin my kids, but it was the best thing we ever did. I prayed about this and asked the Lord to release me and he did. I went back to school and graduated with 3 university degrees. I am confident and reassured and I can stand up for myself. I have more then I ever had before. This is what God wanted to do in my life – build me up in him!!!
September 9th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
My esteemed and beloved Cheryl in Christ:
I am comforted that you are Blessed with your understanding and loving Sister Kim and Brother-in-law, and pray that with your “strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives” you, “your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard”(Isaiah 58:8).
Recent statistics shows that one in evey four women suffers from spousal abuses in their life time. Your personal healing in time will no doubt help bring them to the knee of our Healer Jesus Christ the Lord, for His Honor and Glory.
May HE our ALL MIGHTY GOD Continue to shower HIS Infinite and Inestimable BLESSINGS upon you and yours; GODSPEED, always and forevermore!
Mary Sun.
September 10th, 2010 at 12:28 am
23 years and 6 precious children invested in this. I am currently embroiled in this divorce and it’s abusive/manipulative beyond belief!Friends warned me over the years. A drugged-out heathen before I met my soon-to-be-ex. He used the Scriptures to control me but God meant something there for good, since He saved me & all. From the very instant, I was taught submissive wife, subservient sacrifice way beyond the point of mental anguish. Empty ourselves in Christ toward our fellow man is what being completely sold out to the Lord really is, right? Emotional & mental abuse is what the worldly psychologicals call it, where us Christians are to properly view it as dying to self under an unkind person, right? I still don’t know if I understand. I’ve spent the last 18 years (the only 18 years in the Kingdom) learning that our husbands are essentially our “handlers” because we’re foolish daughters of Eve, incapable of doing any good unless directed by our husbands to do so. Incapable of proper submission, but by God’s grace, he’ll let us in as long as we’re obedient to the husbands He has placed over us. When friends outside and INside the faith point out the maladjustments & insecurities beginning to present themselves in our children, I begin to wake up. I TRY to wake up, but it leaves me not being able to understand what is real and accurate. I filed for divorce but he thought he was secretly doing it before me so as to get me declared an unfit mother. He told pastor he wanted to get sole custody because “child support for all these kids would financially devastate” him. I was never allowed to get a job. I tried to go to school a year ago, but he threatened divorce if I continued, so I quit. I hardly know which way is up. Which way to Heaven? I’m told I’m to trust God to heal the damage done to the children, but NO divorce. God won’t heal divorce, but He’ll heal the continued abuse. He will heal the affects of their abusive father, but He will not heal the affects of my divorcing him. There isn’t a day that goes by, I don’t wonder & worry about this. Have I done wrong? Am I ruining my children by divorcing him? Will the children learn from the example of a strong, endurant, obedient, submissive wife and that will win them to the Lord? Or will I teach them to be rebellious against their husbands by my bad example? For years, I’ve heard my well-meaning brothers & sisters say I need to get out of such abuse or the children will learn it’s normal. But now that I’m doing this (stepping out on faith?) I hear that I’m ruining the childrens’ lives and God can just heal their years of abuse when they grow up & out of it, but God won’t heal the affects of a disobedient, unsubmissive wife. I cite instances. Public instances they’ve all seen and instances behind close doors. Instances not against me (empty myself-die to self), but instances of insulting, hurting, scaring the children. Not to gossip about him, but to get feedback. Feedback to ask, am I too sensitive? Should children learn to toughen themselves against such tyranny so they can deal with the same when it comes their way? Because after all, the Scriptures say that the world will mistreat you because you are in Him. I’m so scared & guilt-ridden I can’t move or breathe. He is around every corner just waiting to nail me…
September 10th, 2010 at 8:13 am
Cheryl, I am happy for you that you are ale to escape an abusive marriage. I am in the same situation, minus the escaping part. I have been treated like complete crap for about 4 years now. He is a severe alcoholic with some kind of undiagnosed mental disorder. He is unable to keep friends, even, and his family doesn’t like him much either. He would call me nasty names, throw things back in my face (things that I shared with him about my personal life when we were just friends), choke me out, beat me up, etc. In fact, he has cracked my ribs, fractured my cheek bone, kicked me in the face and back…he even has gone as far as to beat me up once while I was pregnant and, again, when I was holding my 3 weeks old son. Every time I try to leave, he threatens to hurt everyone I care about. The scary part is, I KNOW he really will do it. He’s done it once before, so I know nothing will stop him. I’m trapped and all I want to do is breath but I don’t know how.
September 11th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Dear Lord, I have read all the responses to Cheryl’s story. These women have a great need of your help. Touch their lives and bring them out of abusive marriages. I know women are to submit to their husbands, but their husbands should be loving their wives as their own bodies (Eph 5:28)and Christ would never treat them abusively, Christ is good their is no evil found in him. Evil is of Satan. This relationship should be respectful of each other. Lord Jesus, make a way where there seems to be no way to leave these marriages. Give these women courage and provide a way out for them. I believe the Lord God gave me this verse for you. Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Amen
September 19th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
While I am praying for these women to be released from abuse in their marriages, my prayers are instead that their husbands will be changed, i.e. their hearts softened toward God and let Him change them to be the men that God intended them to be. And that their marriages can be saved since Jesus said that there was no reason for divorce. Mark 10:6-12 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Father, please heal these families of the torment that the devil is placing on these couples, to tear apart what You intended to be as a covenant. No man is to ever abuse His family as You have commanded the husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (He gave His life for her). Please demonstrate Your power in healing these families.
September 27th, 2010 at 9:00 am
my heart is so sad as I read these stories on marriages that have come to an end due to divorce. people, God hates divorce, Malachi 2:16. what the Lord has joined together, let no man put assunder. Where is forgiveness and prayer in all this. I myself have gone through a hard marriage but am praying,fasting and waiting on the Lord for marriage restoration. We made marital vows in the sight of God and man. Remember for better or for worse, in other words, to love uncondional That’s God’s love to forgive, forgive, forgive. Satan comes to destroy people, marriages and he is laughing out loud to how easily we give in to his devices.We need to stand in the gap for our spouses and pray that God will set them free from satan’s bondage. they are held captive and without our uncondional prayers and fasting to set them free, they will perish. Do we forgive all others and yet not our own spouse? God is not We fight not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers in the air. Our spouse is not the enemy. Conclusion, pray that God will change us first transform our lifes to be that Godly woman or man that God had designed for his glory and stop looking for a way out.God will restore and heal a dead marriage and touch our spouses to change them and us forever.
October 10th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
I agree with trusting God and believing in his divine power. I am still trusting God to heal my relationship, but waiting can seem futile. As a woman married to a recovering alcoholic, I chose to give it a year from the time he went to jail for physical abuse before I made any decisions that most of the people around me have urged me to do….LEAVE. I come from a well off family, I can stay with them, or if the court ordered, I would be able to keep the home I have made for me and my 2 young ones. But I am still so scared. I could care less about possessions, but more about what God thinks, and the well being of my children. I have lost the need to care about my happiness. Since his last drink, now working on 18 months, he has not hit me or touched a bottle. But the mental abuse has recently come back with a vengeance. He has even started to go as far as to be outwardly rude to my Mom…..There is no tenderness, nor was there ever. I feel so alone and fed up. I have sacrificed so much to help his recovery from an addiction, and feel guilty to have waited and then leave even though he was successful in staying sober. He still calls me names and recently his tone scares me….my parents have nightmares about him all the time. Please dont judge women who leave and seek divorce-(If you knew the whole story, you would hesitate-it is an evil world and many have wicked hearts) God has not called us to do so, rather to act in love and compassion. I know there is something better for me, I am praying every day that I find the path to take. For now, I live in quiet hope.
October 11th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
My most esteemed and beloved Christine in Christ:
My heart aches for you, your two young children and parents who no doubt suffer with you in their own ways.
Your husband tried, no doubt. But unless and until the foreign substances are cleansed out from his physical system in due time, his weak mental and spiritual makeup cannot sustain him to be rational, and thus subconsciously or unconsciously act out in “mental abuse.”
It is very painful for you. And no doubt, you have dealt with his problems with the patience of a saint.
Often, however,, without the support and guidance of professional and pastoral counselors, your husband may unknowingly act out, the only means he knows to make himself feel powerful over you.
Outsiders normally are not so ready to accept him with his negative behaviour and misplaced self-esteem.
You should perhaps take a long look at the larger picture, namely, that you have to protect the sanity and well being of your two precious children and loving parents under the circumstances–for the greater good. That means: you may have to move out with your children to stay with your parents.
You should get a temporary injunction for your husband to stay away from you all, until and unless he has become emotionally stable and ready to reunite with you all as normal and blessed families again.
GOD ALL MIGHTY above always watches over you all.
You just need to reach out and hold on to His Helping Hand with total sumission of faith, hope and love, and pray fervently with your loved ones for a happy reunion with your husband in days to come.
Faith heals. Miracles do happen.
No doubt, you all are in our humble prayers.
May our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ “Bless you
and Keep you; Make His face Shine on you, and Be Gracious to you.
The Lord Lift up His Face toward you, and Give you Peace.”
GODSPEED, always and forevermore!
Mary Sun.
October 15th, 2010 at 8:16 am
A true believer would not abuse his spouse. Paul taught that it is permissable to leave an unbelieving spouse. I don’t think we are called to be doormats.
October 18th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Continue to pray for my marriage. We are working through this very hard time…but I have faith that no matter the outcome…GOD WILL PREVAIL!! I understand so many who are ready to find peace, and I am still praying I find it…but I still have some fight left, and with God on my side nothing will conquer me~ Peace and Blessings, this thread is really helping me. Not sure how I even found it, but God knows! ;)
January 22nd, 2011 at 10:19 am
Marriage is a covenant. God made covenants with Abraham, David & many other people in the Bible. But every covenant of God had conditions attached – if you and your heirs worship me, I will prosper you. When the kings of Israel broke their covenant with God, they had enemies attacking them and even carrying them off to slavery. Marriage is a similar covenant wherein both parties are bound to certain conditions for the covenant to stand. If either party breaks the covenant, it fails to stand. Dear sisters, when our husbands started abusing us, the covenant stopped applying to our marriage. By being in a one-sided covenant, we are captives. And our God is a God who delivers His people out of captivity. Jesus said that the laws of divorce were given due to the hardness of men’s hearts. In Malachi 2, God rebukes men who have covered their wives with the raiment of violence. As Christians, one of the first things we realise is that we are spiritual beings in human bodies. Marital abuse is an attack on the spirit. It is not God’s will for us to live in a warped sense of love & forgiveness. It is captivity. Let us move out and say – the Lord giveth & the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.