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“I stumble, but God has not left me”

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will answer you. You will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart.

[Jeremiah 29:11-14 GNT]

Jody says:

For as long as I remember, God had always been a part of my life, but i never really knew Him. I pictured God as a punishing, menacing God who was always watching me… waiting for me to mess up so He could punish me.

When I was 14, I was sexually abused by my step-father. I was scared but at the same time I felt like I was wanted and finally loved by someone, because my parents were divorced. When I turned 16, I realized that it was not right, because I started to hear my friends talk about boyfriends, and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I tried to kill myself by taking pills - that was the start of my in and out of psych hospitals, a string of abusive relationships, and self destructive behavior.

My step-father has since passed on after accepting the Lord as his personal savior. I have forgive him, but it seems like I have not forgiven myself. I’m getting tired of my self destructive behavior - I was just arrested for domestic violence and child endangerment (I am guilty of domestic violence but not child endangerment). For the past 14 years since I had accepted God as my personal savior, I have been hot and cold with my relationship with Him. I want to be back in His arms, where I can be a testimony to others on what God has done for me. He gave me 2 beautiful sons and even though I have fallen so many times, God has never left me nor forsaken me. I know that God’s promise for a better life is coming and I have a strong faith in my God that he will have mercy on me.