“God Freed Me From Shame”
“For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.””
Phil writes:
I used to be buried in shame. I had been born out of wedlock to a mother who loved me and a man who wanted me to be aborted. Because of this I grew up without a father. Later, in preschool I was molested by my preschool teachers. A short time after that my mom married my first step-father, who turned out to be an alcoholic. The next seven years were filled with emotional torture, and eventually included physical abuse.
We were poor most of that time, even living on welfare at one point. Because of a number of factors related to that poverty and my upbringing, I was constantly bullied and made fun of at school from elementary school through middle school.
By the time my mom and step-father divorced I was depressed and suicidal. Though I went through counseling and became convinced that God must have a purpose and plan for my life, I turned towards sin and entered into a crippling addiction to pornography.
To deal with the shame I felt at my past difficulties and present sin, I did all I could to cover it up with a happy and fun exterior. By the time I came to college I jumped into the partying lifestyle as a part of that fake exterior. Finally I woke up one morning in a pool of my own vomit because of how much beer, mixed drinks and liquor I drank the night before.
At that point, overwhelmed by shame, I knew something had to change but didn’t know where to go for help. Two days later I went to a church where I heard the pastor say that we can begin to see God when we have been humbled. Since I felt humiliated, I figured I must qualify as someone who was close to beginning to know God.
One month later an evangelist came to my university and preached the Good News of Jesus Christ saying that God would become my Daddy if I would repent and trust in Him. He also said that God knew I would become the father I never had.
The shackles of shame dropped off of me that day nearly 8 years ago when I tearfully put my trust in God. Every day since then I’ve been learning how to keep living without shame as I put my trust in Jesus Christ. I am so thankful to God that he has made me new and clean, and that as I trust in Him I will never come under the power of sin and shame again. Even more wonderful is that He wants to do the same for you too!
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Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on December 9th, 2008 and filed under Conversions, Drugs & Alcohol, God's Love, God's Sovereignty, Hope, Life Verse, Overcoming sin, Praise, Sadness, Struggles, Your Stories.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
My most esteemed and beloved Phil in Christ:
My heart aches in crescendo as I read your story. And, thank our Almighty God, you have brought me down on my knees and praise Him for your triumph over all the demons, which, unfortunately are still rampant in so many people’s lives.
Your conclusion, “Even more wonderful is that He wants to do the same for you,” is not merely convincing but enlightening, for you not only preach but ‘practiced.’
Unlike you, I could only help my counselees who have similar problems as yours theoretically with my training in theology and psychology. You will no doubt be much more successful in helping others with your own bitter but finally sweet experiences.
For, you can “cling to your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!” (Psalm 119:31).
“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced” (Isaiah 54:4);
And “you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 2:5-8).
Thank you.
May GOD ALL MIGHTY Bless you inestimably and infinitely;
GODSPEED, always and forevermore!
Mary Sun.