shareyourstorynow.org

“God Changed Me”

“In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”

[John 1:4-5 NKJV]

April writes:

I was gay, I mean really, really gay. I share my story of how I became a Christian all the time, but there’s a big part to “my story” that I have never told but really feel led to tell it now. Here goes, I was the youngest of three girls, often criticized for my skinny and premature behaviors. I would always get harassed by my sisters and friends about why I hadn’t started puberty or why I am not developing like all the other girls. This gave me an insecurity that had me thinking “why am I so different? Am I an accident? Am I pretty? Am I gay?” I went on in my teens and began even more to feel out casted, especially by my own family. At the age of 13, I turned to drugs and alcohol but that is just one of many addictions I had to overcome. I started to grow more and more curious about my sexuality and began watching porn. I was 18 when I decided I was gay, and no one could convince me otherwise. I fell in love with a girl named Elizabeth and felt this was it. I wanted to marry her. I became an advocate for gay & lesbians because of all the persecution I got from ‘coming out’. I even marched in the annual gay pride parade in San Diego. The more people told me I was wrong for being a lesbian the more I fought for the freedom to be one. All the while I never dealt with my insecurities and they certainly didn’t go away because of my new lifestyle. I was still empty inside. I felt a deep rooted question in my heart “if being gay feels so right how it could be wrong? Is it wrong and who says?” but I would never share my wonders with others because I was in it too deep. Elizabeth and I broke off our relationship after 5 years, which was the hardest and only real break up I ever had. I moved far from her but not far from my lifestyle. I continued this lifestyle and had no boundaries to my choices in relationships. I was still empty, even more than before. I worked for a well known gym in LA and the manager of the store was a Christian. He would preach to me all night every night. I would hate it; I debated him every night for 4 months. Until one day to get him off my back I took him up on his offer and went to a bible study with him. It seemed the people at this bible study had something I was longing for my entire life, true joy and love in their hearts. They were full of love and didn’t judge me. They truly had my eternal interest at heart. They helped me understand the most difficult questions I had in my mind about God and what Gods plan for me is through scripture. I came to Christ that very night and did not look back. The funny thing is I didn’t have to stop using drugs first or even be sober or not be gay to believe. All I did was cling to Jesus and His word; believe in my heart what He had done for all mankind. Sure repenting took a little while and I still am learning what Gods eyes see as sin. Quickly I became convinced that being gay was a way for me to place my insecurities away without dealing with them. My insecurities were in charge of my decision to be gay. But once my insecurities were dealt with, and I mean really dealt with deeply, I became more and freer from them and that lead me to choose to no longer live as a gay person anymore. Then after examining my intensions and looking at Gods word I knew that all this time it was an obedience battle. Yes I said it. I was making my sexuality the core focus of my life and when you turn your focus on Jesus and what He did for mankind that changes everything. After time, He changed me. I am so happily married now to a great man and for the first time in my life I feel truly beautiful and valuable the way I was intended to feel. People may call me a hypocrite and I do have to deal with persecution sometimes but at least it’s for Jesus. Nobody could do what He did and certainly nobody else freed me but Him. Thanks for letting me share.