“I Lost My Daughter, God Feels My Pain”
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.
Marie D. writes:
I accepted Christ when I was very nearly 41. My daughter accepted Christ when she was 18. I was living with a man I was not married to, and realized I had to make changes in my life if I was going to join a church and get involved in ministry.
With twelve dollars in my checking account, I moved out of the house I shared with the man I loved and in with my daughter and her husband.
I began to sing in the choir and was at church as much as I could be.
My pastor challenged everyone to read the Bible every day, giving us a contract to sign and place at the alter. Not believing I could do it, I signed anyway.
I have read the Bible almost every day since that time.
I have now read the Bible five times and am still amazed at how many things are revealed to me EVERY time I read.
I had just the one child, Rachel, and she was my best friend, my accountability partner, always honest with me. She was gifted with discernment and insight. Our discussions on God’s word, His kingdom and how to grow in Christ were the best conversations I have ever had with anyone.
At 21 Rachel received a double lung transplant, a real provision from the Lord. I prayed that even if Rachel was only with me a couple more years I would feel blessed.
Then after many changes in her life and mine, she went home. She died December, 2006, just two months shy of her 23rd birthday.
My heart was truly broken, my only family was ripped from my life. Would I be bitter, or would I turn to my tower, my rock, my sustainer, healer and redeemer?
I put a CD in the CD player and lay down on the floor, on my face, while I listened to words of praising God in the storm. I wanted to die, too. How would I go on without my precious, funny, beautiful, vivacious daughter?
But the next day, I got up and read my Bible, the words blurry because my eyes were so tired and swollen from crying so hard. As I read Hebrews 11, the Holy Spirit stopped me and said, “Rachel’s name is on that list.”
How compassionate is our Lord and Father. He knew my pain, he feels every difficult breath I draw, the ache in my heart, the lump in my throat, and speaks tender words of comfort to me.
God also lead me to 2 Corinthians 5:1-5 (NIV), which states that our purpose is to be with Him. When Rachel prayed to see His face just a few short days before losing consciousness, she did not realize how soon she would truly see God’s face.
Revelation 4 is such a comfort to me, too. My precious child has gone before me to praise the One seated on the throne. Her eyes are filled with this most incredible display of worship and praise. And some day I will stand by her side, my eyes filled with this glorious sight!
Until that time I pray for strength to accomplish whatever the Father has planned for me.
I pray that I will be obedient, joyful in His presence, so that He (and Rachel) will glow with pleasure and joy when I stand before the Lord when I go home.
Every day I weep for the hole in my life left by the physical absence of my daughter.
But I KNOW she is more alive now than she ever has been, and has no worries of medical bills, prescriptions, or any other of the temporal concerns we have. There is no sorrow, tears or pain, only the healing and complete presence of our Lord!
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on June 13th, 2008 and filed under Hope, Sadness, Death, Bible, Loneliness, Prayer, Conversions, Your Stories, Verses.
June 13th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Dear Marie D.:
Your poignant and heartrending story has touched the very depth of my heart and soul.
When my Better Half dropped to the floor suddenly, totally unexpectedly, at the prime of his life with our family and his career, without even sayng goodbye but abruptly left for his Eternal Home, “My tears have been my food day and night, while men say behind me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3).
“…Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the Glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.” (Isaiah 58:8)
I know that one day, I, too, my sun will never set again, and my moon will wane no more; the LORD will be my Everlasting Light, and my days of sorrow will end. (Isaiah 60:20).
Thereafter, sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, I take heed to the ministry which I have received in the Lord, that I may fulfill it. (1 Colosssians 4:17). Being still spiritually poor, yet I strive to make many rich; having nothing materially, yet I possess everything. (2 Corinthians 6:10).
I know that your most Beautiful and Precious Princess is “enthroned in God’s presence forever.”
Please take good care.
Thank you.
May GOD ALL MIGHTY Bless you, always and forevermore!
Mary Sun.
June 14th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Dear Marie D,
Your true and honest heart has touch mine. The thought of losing a child is something that seems unbearable yet in your profound words, “But I KNOW she is more alive now than she ever has been,… There is no sorrow, tears or pain, only the healing and complete presence of our Lord!” could have only been given by someone who has felt the deep love and healing of our Lord. My mother and sister both lost their children within one year of each other and the blow to our family has been severe. Yet, like you they fell straight into the arms and heart of God and the healing progress continues. Thank you for sharing your pain and praise. My prayer is that you continue to expereince the restoring power of God in your heart and in your home.
Peace and Blessings,
B. Michelle
June 15th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Dear Marie,
Your story toched my heart. A few days ago, my 3 year old almost choked and died. I really had a hard time and had to evaluate the way I was thinking about my life, realizing that people can be gone in a blink of an eye. I thought that if he would have died, I would never survive. The verses from the Bible give me comfort and hope and thanksgiving that I have one more chance to spend another day with my son. Thank you for impacting my life.
June 18th, 2008 at 9:57 am
I loved what you had to say, in 1991 My 16 year old daughter died of cancer, then in 1993 my 20 year old son died of heart failure, as a new Christian (my children brought me to Christ) i fell apart I felt like God had betrayed me, I had no one to turn to , the only stable person in my life was God. I ran I packed up and moved away, I tried to run my self to the ground. BUT God, loved me so much he wouldn’t let me go. I had to come to a place that I said ether God now’s what he is doing and I trust him and believe the word or he is a lie. God loved me back into his arms ;-) I know my children are alive and home with god and some day I will be with them and hear there laughter again.
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Let me say that I wanted to comment but do not know what to even say, you said it all. Your story will inspire many who have also experienced tremendous loss in their lives. If it were not for God, how would we get thru things like this? We would not. He sees us as His children, because we are. Trust is the most important thing, to trust that the almighty God knows what He is doing and why He is doing it, even though we do not know, this side of heaven. Your story is so encouraging to so many who right this second honestly do not know how they are going to continue living.