“I Faced My Fears and My Past”
“Be still, and know that I am God; …”
Christian R. writes:
I had been running from God and his word for over twenty-three years due to drug addiction. I started using at the age of thirteen, and that was the same year that I was saved.
In that same year, I was sexually molested by a guy that was on the high school football team (I’m a guy also).
It was very confusing: how, after being saved that summer, could God allow that to happen to me?
So for the next twenty-three years I ran from God’s word, and I ran through life as if there was nothing to lose.
I got married at the age of eighteen and had two beautiful children.
As a father that wanted to present a good image in the little town that I lived in, I would take my children to church, and then I would hear God’s word. And my deeply rooted fear would always come to the surface and make me want to never go back.
I knew that God was blessing all the other people at church, but why not me?
After numbing my emotions for many years, trying not to feel the pain inside, I finally just hit bottom with the drugs and my family. I lost my marriage and my kids and wound up in rehab, where I stopped running and faced my fears and my past.
With the help of a pastor, who would come there on Sundays to preach, I found the answer to all my problems: Psalm 46:10. This verse allowed me to begin the healing process that I needed twenty-three years earlier.
Now I have been in recovery for two and a half years and am remarried. I’ve got my two children back and a four-year-old step daughter and an eleven-month-old newborn.
I don’t run anymore. I thank God for each and every thing in my life.
Face your fears with God. I didn’t know God was all I needed until God was all that I had!
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on May 16th, 2008 and filed under Praise, Bible, Hope, Drugs & Alcohol, Your Stories, Struggles, Divorce & Marital Conflict, Conversions, Life Verse.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Dear Christian R.:
You were not alone to ask the age-old question: “Could God allow that to happen to me?”
Our All Compassionate and Loving Triune God never fails to listen to every one who desperately feels in his/her life that ‘enough is enough.’
We never have to worry that God our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has had, and will have earfuls of it.
While we may never understand it, however, I am not sure that it is God who allows it. Rather, we happen or choose to be in circumstances of those vices. We have our divinely blessed free will to reconcile and break the vicious circle thereof within ourselves.
Most importantly, however, is that in your adverse life situations, you have found God who still, and always will love you and your Blessedly beautiful family.
You stated so powerfully: “Face your fears with God. I didn’t know God was all I needed until God was all that I had!” You will, indeed, be such a powerful channel to reach out to help those in similar predicament, and so hurt by it all.
“…for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.” (Daniel 4:37)
In the stormy sea of life, we hear “Jesus rebuked the wind and said to the sea: ‘Hush, be still.’ And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.” (Mark 4:38-39).
How comforting to sing with the Psalmist: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Thank you.
May GOD ALL MIGHTY Bless you and yours infinitely and inestimably;
GODSPEED, always and forevermore!
Mary Sun.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Christian, thanks for sharing. I can feel your energy and passion.
Your courage to face your pain is inspiring!
Blessings to you and your family.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Brother Christian,
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s always inspiring to see someone battle back against satan.
I noticed you said you faced your fears and past and dont run anymore.
Fear is a war tactic that satan uses against us “The Christians”. He weakens our faith by fear and wants to take us down for the kill. I say that because the bible says that he’s out like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Now that you’re facing your enemy, stand up and put on the whole armour of god and continue to fight the great fight of faith that you may obtain righteousness and inherit his Eternal Kingdom.
We all grow weak but through our weakness we are made stong. Always remember, “Greater Is He ,
that is in “You”, than “he” that is in the world.
We have power over satan in the name of Jesus.
There’s POWER in that name, JESUS!!!
Every knee shall bowl and tounge confess, that he is “Lord”.
God Bless You!!!
Michael Baker
May 28th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Praise God for your powerful witness of the wonder of our great and awesome God. After so many years, many of us give up and think things will never get better. But God can and will intervene and change our life. Because God changed your life, you have affected others, your family has been restored and God have given you much mercy. I love your encouraging words to face your fear with God. Powerful statement.
Many will see it, hear of it and know that they can overcome and endure and be totally delivered from fear, failure, shame, guilt and sin. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Psalm 46 is quickly becoming one of my favorite verses because it is clearly telling us what we should do “Be still and know” and we can see the power and experience the presence of God.
May the mercy of God and His everlasting grace be with you today and always.
Peace and Blessings,
B. Michelle