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“I'm Still Grieving, and Feeling Hope”
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.
Corinne R. writes:
Another Season and the Yellow Butterfly
As I look back now, I don’t even know how I survived. I didn’t think it was possible to live another day, another week, another month and another year, but I have.
My grief journey continues to this day, such hard work, every day. For those parents who have lost a child, you all know too well how difficult this journey is.
Along the way, I felt as though I were stuck, unable to move forward and, of course, not wanting to. By moving forward, I felt that I would be leaving Olivia behind, accepting life without her.
I have moved on, but in a different way. I will always have a broken heart, my life is not filled with joy, nor do I look forward to the future. It’s too hard to look beyond today.
Well, about two years after Olivia’s death, I noticed that I was paying special attention to each season, seeing and appreciating the beauty of each one. This was something that I had not done before.
It was as if I was seeing through different eyes, eyes that were filled with much pain, eyes that still cried so many tears, eyes that longed to see my daughter again. Yet, I could see the beauty that each new season would bring.
As spring approaches, I find myself feeling so sad, crying more, as this is the anniversary month, another year.
I just want to see my daughter again, then it happens. I will go outside to look at the garden I planted for Olivia and while I’m outside, the Yellow Butterfly flies past me, as if to let me know Olivia is ok.
I see the Yellow Butterfly all the time now and I smile.
Yes, another Season and The Yellow Butterfly, my reminders that my daughter is always with me, always in my Heart. She is free, free to Soar, free to Fly, like the Yellow Butterfly.
“Peace your inmost soul will fill
When you’re still …”
Corinne Ruiz
Mom of Olivia Corinne Hoff
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on April 16th, 2008 and filed under Death, Sadness, Hope, Praise, Your Stories.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:51 am
You wrote: “By moving forward, I felt that I would be leaving Olivia behind, accepting life without her.”
That seems like deep, deep insight … very profound. It was deep insight for me anyway. I can relate to that concept; it plays out (in a slightly different way) in various relationships in my life.
By the way, Corinne, I really enjoy your writing. You have a very poetic, natural flow and use great images.
Thanks for all those gifts! Blessings to you as you continue walking through your grieving process.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Dear Corinne Ruiz:
How I envy you for your grace and gracious pose of “The Yellow Butterfly,” which emanates so superbly the “compassion” of our Lord, as well as your own unconquering beautiful love and faith!
Being one who has suffered for some twenty years from the loss of my Better Half, and subconsciously still not being able to accept the reality thereof, I do, however, never fail to see the forbearing of God my Father and Lord of my Saviour Jesus Christ, Who has restored me unto Himself.
I put all my trust in Him, and thus have and live with an even more elevated understanding and appreciation of HIS TRUTH, MERCY AND FAITHFULNESS.
Throughout the Testaments, we have the Blessed Assurance that
“The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” (Exodus 34:6; Psalm 103:8); and
“Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched….” (Mark 6:34)
We can, therefore, be confident that “Blessed are all who wait for Him” (Isaiah 30:18 b.)
“For As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy” (James 5:11)
Thank you.
May GOD ALL MIGHTY Bless you and keep you, and make His Face Shine upon you, and give you love and peace, always and Forevermore!
Mary Sun.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Dear Corinne, Beloved of God, Your tender heart is being strengthen in the Lord. You have expressed the deepest desire and God has heard your heart. My sister and mother lost their children within one year of each other and I know from being very close to them, that the death of a child is one of the hardest trials to get through. Yet I have seen both of these women trust God through the grieving process and as seasons change so does the pain, hurt and sorrow. Only God can heal this kind of pain. I thank our God for the changing seasons, the insight and mercy that is always extended. Especially to those who are suffering. I thank God for allowing you to see through eyes of faith and the beauty of grace.
Peace and Blessings,