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“My New Purpose in Life”
“We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said.
Corinne R. writes:
I am the mom of Olivia Corinne Hoff, who passed away April 22, 2004. Olivia was only 14 years old. She died of a heart condition we knew nothing about, LQTS Elongated QT Syndrome, known as the silent killer of young adults.
I didn’t know how I would survive and live without my daughter. I highlighted this verse (Acts 14:22) because my daughter’s death is the most painful hardship I would ever have to endure in my life. I did think of committing suicide and going home to be with Olivia, but I knew this was not my purpose.
What was my purpose? How can there be a purpose for my life? How, with all my pain, my confusion, the huge hole in my heart, my lack of desire to go on, how can there be a purpose for my life?
Well, it has now been three years since the death of my only daughter, and here I am today sharing how God has rescued me and is revealing his purpose to me daily.
I now know that God is getting ready to put me on a journey I never thought I would go on — a journey of sharing my testimony and reaching out to other parents who have lost a child.
I believe with all of my heart that the Lord directs me every day of my life, he is in control of my life, he will show me how to honor my daughter’s memory. I just have to wait and listen.
“The best things in life are the result of being wounded. Wheat must be crushed before becoming bread, and incense must be burned by fire before its fragrance is set free. The earth must be broken with a sharp plow before being ready to receive the seed. And it is a broken heart that pleases God. Yes, the sweetest joys of life are the fruits of sorrow.”
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on February 18th, 2008 and filed under Praise, Hope, Sadness, Death, Loneliness, Your Stories, God's Sovereignty, Struggles, Verses, Suicide, Most Popular Stories.
February 18th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Corinne, I’m sorry to hear about Olivia. I can’t imagine what that’s been like for you. Thanks for your willingness to share about Olivia’s death and your journey.
I’m inspired by your courage and your openness to God. Blessings to you as you continue to journey.
February 18th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Dear Corinne R.:
You are a modern version of Job: “…The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord….” (Job 1:21).
Your conclusion from L.B. Cowman’s “Streams In The Desert” could not have been more apropos and profound.
My world, too, crumbled–like the dust of Hiroshima–with the sudden departure of my better half from a massive heart attack when I was 49. He appeared to me in a dream three days later, extending his tender hand to me and said: I want you to come with me.
Overcome with joy to see his loving face again, I replied: “I wish I could. I know that Heaven is beautiful, but you have to wait. I must stay here on earth–until all our 10 children are grown and I’m frail and can serve no purpose to them or to humanity anymore.”
My husband smiles upon us from Heaven. Our mustard seeds have grown on good grounds despite winds and storms, with the Grace and Love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Blessed be the LORD GOD Forever!
Thank you, and
May GOD ALL MIGHTY Bless beautiful you with your good work,
GODSPEED, always and forevermore!
Mary Sun.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Corinne, you have given the Lord the best you had on earth and now you are giving him the best of your own life. You can never outgive the Lord. Be prepared to receive His blessings in a great and wonderful way.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Corinne, I am so sorry for your loss of your only beautiful daughter, Olivia. I no longer get to kiss and hold my only grandson, Bryce. He was 20 months old, just a few days ago he would have been 2 yrs. He died in an accident. I to want to be with him. I will be strong for my daughter it was her first. I hope she can have more. I hope the Lord will direct me.
Love, MaryAnn
March 21st, 2008 at 7:09 pm
MaryAnn, thank you for your reply. It is so very hard not being able to hold our little ones. It sounds like you were very close to your grandson Bryce. MaryAnn, I do believe that when our little ones pass away before us, it is the most painful experience a parent/grandparent will go through in their lifetime. I’m sure you feel that going on with life is impossible at times. I still do. I started a garden in memory of Olivia. It’s Olivia’a Garden. I find peace whenever I plant flowers or plants. When they start to grow, I smile, look up to Heaven and say “This is for you, Olivia”. MaryAnn, keep praying and the Lord will let you know what your purpose will be now. Just be silent and listen; you will hear him and know when to move forward with whatever he has in mind for you. It has taken me almost 4 years to finally find my way, or I should say the way the Lord is leading me.
Please reply again and I will be here for you.
God Bless,
Corinne
March 21st, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Hello Caroline, thank you for your response. I believe with all of my heart that Lord is sending me his blessings. Olivia’s 4 year anniversay is approaching and I feel the Lord’s love for me. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”. These past few weeks, I can say that I feel as if the Lord has taken my hand and leading me. It’s a truly wonderful feeling I have right now.
John 11:40 “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”
Caroline, have a Blessed Easter.
Corinne
March 30th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Corinne I cant belive the way you have with words I truly belive that God has blessed you with a gift and that you do have a purpose in LIFE and that is to share the girf of Olivia, What you have been thur and still are, Is to help other parents who have lost there children, wifes,husbands,parents, your words and understanding will help many people. Keep up the the good work, This is your calling. LOVE YOU
April 7th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Corinne,
I just lost my 20 year old daughter from the same problem that your daughter had this past Jan 26th of 08. I am in so much pain. the depth of my soul just screams out for help. I am a believer and I do have a younger daughter. I just cannot get out of this deep pain. I was doing fine and trusting God up until this last week. The sadness just over whelms me and I too want my life to end. Life is just too painful. I know I sound selfish because I have another child, but my sweet Jaki is gone.
Sophia
April 7th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Dear Sophia,
It breaks my heart to know how much pain you are in due to the loss of your sweek Jaki. Sophia, did you know Jaki had LQTS? I can feel my eyes tear up remembering the day my Olivia died. I understand and know your pain. I remember the night I went outside believing that I could no longer live without Olivia and this is when suicide came to my mind. I remember thinking it would be much easier to take my sleeping pills, feel no more pain and, best of all, go home to my daughter; but I couldn’t. You are not selfish, I too have another child, my son. He is now 25 but 4 years ago, Olivia was all I wanted. Sophia, it has only been 4 months and your pain will be overwhelming, your heart is broken, the pain of a broken heart is so real. I remember how angry I was with God, my faith was tested. I would scream at him and ask “Why”. It has taken me 4 years to finally start speaking out about LQTS and the death of my daughter. In the first year, I would see a Christian therapist on a weekly basis and I started going to The Compassionate Friends; parents who have lost children. We meet once a month to talk about our children who are no longer with us. Sophia, allow yourself to cry, scream, be angry. God hears you and knows your pain, though it may not seem or feel like it. I would like to share this quote from “Streams in the Desert” with you:
When I cannot understand my Father’s leading,
And it seems to be but hard and cruel fate,
Still I hear that gentle whisper ever pleading,
God is working, God is faithful, ONLY WAIT.
“The heart that serves, and loves, and clings,
Hears everywhere the rush of angel wings.”
Sophia, if you are interested in finding a Compassionate Friends Chapter in your area, let me know. I send you all my love. You will be in my prayers for God’s healing. Please keep in touch with me. I will be here to help you through this.
God Bless,
Corinne
April 7th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Dear Bernie,
My sister, my friend. My faith has been tested and I thank God that he has finally allowed me to see the “Light” again. When Olivia died, I wanted to die. I wanted to hold my sweet girl again. I wanted see her beautiful smile. I just wanted my daughter back in my arms. Bernie, I did not give up, even though I wanted to. I persevered and now 4 years later, God is slowly revealing his purpose for me. I thank God for allowing me to be Olivia’s mom and to have her 14 years.
“He will silently Plan for you,
His purpose will all unfold;
Your tangled life will shine at last,
A masterpeice of skill untold.”
Love & God Bless you,
Corinne
May 5th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
dear corinne - well where do I begin - back in 1994 my son and daughterinlaw were pregnant with their 3rd child a boy. Trevor was 3 and Haley was 2 and Alexander was born on Mothers day that year May 10, 1994 - Aexander had a heart condition ( hypo plastic left heart syndrome)we knew 3 months befor he was to be born, that gave us time for direction and we believed God answered lots and lots of prayers from around the world and that answer was go to Pensylvania from a little town in Illinois (Donovan) and Dr Norwood will be there and Dr Norwood is the world famous Dr. who created the surgery for this defect - our newborn Alexander had the best care - God answered our prayers. The family came home and we were looking forward - June 26 Alexander died at Childrens Hospital in Chicago of sepsis - we had our baby only 2 months - that is just about 14 yrs ago in a few day’s - life went on and Oliver joined the family April 6, 1995 - we missed Alexander lots and Oliver’s name was chosen as momma needed some peace and Oliver comes from OLIVE - PEACE - the olive branch —- years went on and on and May 19th 2007 Trevor then 16 1/2 years old - on his way to plant trees that beautiful Saturday morning - was hit by a train on his driver’s side and the bright yellow dodge dakota ( also known as the rumble bee ) burst into flames and all was just gone in a twinkling of the eye - we never saw the truck again and we never had anything of Trevor to see again - my son and daughterinlaw and their daughter and son are now in the hell of life as am I - my faith is all but gone - I am afraid to pray as that very morning as I always did I prayed for my family each one by name on my way to work and within minutes of my prayer my FIRST GRANDSON was killed, my word 2 grandson’s not just 1 but 2 are now in heaven - and Alexander’s birthday anniversary is May 10 and Trevor’s anniversary of his death is May 19 this month - we are just moving along - I cry every day - I miss my grandson so very much - as I look at the emptyness in my sons eyes and his face and my daughterinlaw’s whole being is so sad they are just SO VERY SAD — we are planning to have a garden on their property - asking friends and whoever would to come and help and again give support and something to all this GRIEVING family - I know God has gotten us this far but I really am still really angry at God for taking another of my family - in such a horrific accident - where were God’s ten thousand angels ? where was really lucky ? where was boy that was close ? where was God’s protection that I had prayed for at that hour the accident happened ? I want to go ask a Pastor or a Father or a Minister or a whoever of God - but my own Pastor the Shepherd of me hissheep has not called once has not sent a card has not nothing as has my son and daughterinlaw their Pastor has done nothing either and I believe they are so unable to help the grieving that they dont do anything — and that is so dad gum sad !!!! respond please — answer please — any one - help GRAMMY ( judi)
May 6th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
My Dear Judi,
My heart breaks for you and your family. As I was reading you story, I asked myself, Why? Why do families have to endure and suffer such pain. As parents and grandparents, from the moment we give birth, the bond and love for our child is the greatest love ever. I often ask myself why did my daughter have to die so young, Olivia was only 14 years old. It was four years April 22. I too started to doubt my faith. I couldn’t understand how God could just take my daughter away from me. He knew how much I had already suffered as a young girl. He knew how difficult my life was. Judi, it seemed that just when my life was finally coming together, it fell apart, as I did. It took me a very long time to find the God that I once knew and loved. How could I put my faith in a God that could hurt me so. Well, amazingly it happened. I slowly started to find my way through the terrible waves of GRIEF that would consume every inch of my being. I would cry out for my daughter. I would cry out for God to help me as I knew if I didn’t, I would not survive. Just yesterday I was reading John 15:2-4
“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” Judi, these words spoke to my heart. I realized that the process of pruning can be very, very painful; but the end result is we are branching out in a new direction, a direction closer to our God; growing in ways that we never imagined.
Psalm 18:35-36
You have also given me the shield of your salvation; Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great. You enlarged my path under me; so that my feet did not slip.
Judi, continue to pray and if you are angry, that is okay because God knows our our pain. When you are ready to start praying, be silent, be still and listen for you will start to hear and feel God’s love for you. He will bring you comfort and hold you up when you cannot stand. I will keep you in my prayers. I will also keep in touch with you. I will be here for you. I will help you find your way back.
God Bless you,
Corinne, Olivia’s mom
June 5th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
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TomasKell
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
That is very tough thing to go through and to continuously be going through. Your greatest comfort is the knowledge that your daughter is in heaven right now and that you are assured of being reunited with her someday. In the meantime, people in similar positions but without your insight, need encouragement and hope and no one I have ever heard of is more qualified than you to give it! You have been there and you are there right now, so you are in the best position to minister to the thousands upon thousands of moms and dads who have lost a child. My heart goes out to you and words here can never express what you feel or what I feel upon reading your story. Be assured that God is with you and He is giving you the will and the strenghth to talk about Him to others and be assured also that your testimony to them will not fall upon deaf ears. They identify with you, because you know just how they feel and not many can say that. They will listen to you as you minister to them for God’s glory. God bless you for being able to rise up out of what must have been pure misery.