“I Know God's Will Is Best”
Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck? For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest …
Kelli M. writes:
After praying for years, we found out this summer that my cousin Jessica was finally pregnant. As you can imagine, we were all so excited for her. She was finally going to have her first child, and it was going to be a precious baby girl.
She traveled all the way from Washington to Michigan for a few weeks, and while she was here we all grew close to the baby already. We could feel her kick and watch her move around in the safety and comfort of her mom’s belly.
As the new baby clothes accumulated, Jessica and her mom got the nursery all set up, decorating it according to Jess’ dreams. While they were taking a break, they watched and laughed as they saw baby Maci rolling from one side of her mommy’s belly to the other and back again. They could imagine her giggling and smiling; maybe she would have bouncy curly hair, maybe big brown eyes. She couldn’t believe in two weeks she was going to have her own baby girl!
The next morning she noticed something was not right. So Jess made an appointment to see the doctor. Sadly they could not find Maci’s heartbeat. Jessica had to deliver her baby girl still. I cannot imagine the heartbreak that her and her husband were going through to see their little girl lifeless. They said that she was in heaven now, playing on streets of gold; she would not be content to come play in the grass.
As my family and I mourn their loss, we know God has a special plan for their lives, even though we can’t see it. They have already been an amazing testimony for the nurses that took care of them in the hospital, sharing the gospel with one.
As I was reading in Job about his tribulations, I came across the verses when he was cursing the day he was born. It just gave me comfort because we think that being alive here on earth is all that matters and that that is what would make us happy. If Maci would have been born alive, I don’t know if something bad would have happened to her or if temptations would have brought her down, but I do know that she is perfectly safe and holding her heavenly father’s hand.
I know that God’s will is best, and that she was so special that God wanted her with him right then. Praise God we have a heavenly father that cares enough to do what is best for us even though it’s not easy sometimes and we don’t understand His plan. Sometimes we think “I could never handle that,” and we couldn’t on our own, but God’s grace is sufficient and it’s not till we need it that He gives it to us abundantly. Only by Him can we make it through life’s seasons, good or bad.
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on November 5th, 2007 and filed under Sadness, Your Stories, Struggles, God's Sovereignty, Most Popular Stories.
November 5th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Kelli, thanks for sharing so vulnerably. I’m sorry about the loss of little Maci.
I, too, deeply appreciate Job’s intense, raw honesty about his deep, deep anguish. Job helps give me more freedom to feel my own deep anguish and express it just as honestly and rawly. And, I, too, sense God’s comfort (somehow) through Job’s story.
Thanks again, Kelli, for sharing. It was a gift to me.
November 12th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Hey Kelli
Wow, that was a powerful story. It definitly moved me. I was in church one time and the pastor was talking about the rapture and how we will meet our loved ones in the sky. He said we will not only meet those who have gone on before us, but all those mothers who have unborn children will finally get to see them again. Jessica will get to see her baby girl. Maci doesn’t wish to be back here on earth, but I’m sure she wishes you all could be in Heaven with her, and she can’t wait for the day when the Lord will go get you and bring you all to her, and she can share her wonderful home with you. Thanks Kell. Your story of encouragement was such a blessing.
November 20th, 2007 at 12:57 am
Dear Kelli,
We live a very similar experience 25 years ago. It is hard for me to believe it has been that long ago. I was 32 and pregnant with our first child, Andrew, who was due on Dec. 20. He was stillborn on Sept. 29 & an autopsy provided no explanation. I believe it was the most difficult time period of my life. My husband grieved inwardly while I wanted him to cry with me. I understood, but it was very hard for me to accept at the time. In addition, his job took him away for several weeks during the time Andrew was to have been born and the Christmas season. I often felt so alone during that time. Focusing on the celebration of Jesus’s birth and God’s awesome sacrifice for me is what I leaned on during that time.
I am glad you are able to support your Jessica and her husband and family during all this and so happy to know that they/you know that our God is in control of it all! How beautiful that they were able to witness to others during their grief! Maci was instrumental in saving a soul!
I pray and believe Jessica and her husband will have another child. What wonderful parents they will be. No other child will replace Maci in their hearts, but their hearts will expand to joyfully embrace another child. After two more nerve-racking pregnancies when I was almost 34 and 36 years old we went on to have two precious, wonderful sons. They are now fine young Christian men. I pray for their future wives, whomever they will turn out to be, as we anticipate daughters-in-love and grandchildren eventually.
I’ve often wondered whether or not our youngest son would have ever been born if we had already had two sons. What a unique and wonderful gift of a person we would have missed! God has a plan for him as He has a plan for each of us. (Jer. 29:11)
It may be a very long time before Jessica can think of Maci without feeling pain, but the time WILL come. Please tell her that for me. I am happy to know that she doesn’t live without hope. I am so very grateful that our Lord loves us SO much and wants us all to be together with Him for all eternity.
I probably will never meet you here on earth, but I will look for you, Jessica, Maci and your other loved ones with our Andrew and our other children and family when we rejoice in Heaven before His throne.
Please know that I will be praying for you all over the years.
Your Sister in Him,
Grace
November 20th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Grace,
Thank you so much for sharing that story with me (although i realize it was not just a story it was true life with true expieriences and emotions). I can only imagine how God is shaping Jessica and Nathans hearts to be ready to recieve another child and raise a family that will serve Him. It is such an encouragement to hear similar stories and to hear the end in what Jessica is going through…to see God work, reshape and mold people, especially family for the betterment of our Christian lives sometimes brings tears to my eyes that He would care that much.
Although I have not been in a situation that tough and can not begin to emagine the emotions that would run through me I find it amazing that you did not grow bitter towards God but instead you embraced it and raised a strong Christian family.
Thank you so much for your prayers, to know that some one whom my family or I have never met is praying for us is another boost/encouragment to get through another day. I will also be praying for you as you continue to guide your family and for your sons and future daughters-in-love.
I love the thought that one day I will be able to meet Maci and hold her. Also that we can and will be joined together praising our Lord.
under His blood together,
Kelli
November 28th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Thank you for posting this story. My husband and I found I was pregnant with our second child together in April. In August, we found out it was the boy we wanted so badly. He has a 14 yr old daughter from a previous marriage and we have a 2 yr old daughter together. All we needed was our little boy. We found out on a Friday and Monday we found out I was in premature labor. I was 20 1/2 weeks along. I had my cervix shown shut and was on strict bedrest. That Friday I ended up in full blown labor. I was put on meds and it stopped and we thought I would go home and tough it out. That Monday, one week after having my cervix sown, our son, Jeremy was born. He lived 4 days and touched many, many lives. He died on Sept 7, 2007. I am in the midst of the pain your sister has/is experiencing. Your story and the message from Grace have touched me deeply. We have tried to remain true to God and tell others that He has been by our sides. The pain is overwhelming at times, but my sweet little boy is with Him. My husband’s cousin lost her 7 month old baby girl the day my son was born, so they are playing together on streets of gold. I too will be praying for your sister.
December 9th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Thank you, Kelli for posting our story. We pray that God will use her life, and we thank Him every day for giving her to us. Maci is a gift that we will always cherish. Although events like this can never be anticipated, we rest knowing God knew, and He is the Giver of all good things.
Thank you to each of you who are praying for us. We don’t know where we would be without your prayers. We, too, are praying for those who have endured like experiences. May God’s peace pass all understanding. We are also praying for those who are hurting because of Maci’s death. She is missed and loved by many, and we all look forward to the day when we can see her and hold her again.
Thank you to each of you.
In Him,
Nathan and Jessica