“I’m Learning to Forgive Myself”
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Danielle H. writes:
I am 17 years old, and I live in a girls group home in Minnesota. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family system and was abused in many ways. I eventually ended up in the foster care system.
Over time I began cutting myself and thinking of suicide. I acted out in other ways, too. Earlier this year my social worker picked me up and took me to the girls group home, where I am now. I was not very happy, but I knew I needed to go. I had to because I was still obsessive, sleeping around with boys, and things like that.
One night not long ago I was reading my Bible and I came across Galatians 2:20 NIV. I read it and meditated on it for a long time. And that verse has helped me in so many was.
I figured that if God can send his son Jesus to die for me and he went through all that pain for me, then I can change for him. Every time I feel like doing something I think “What would Jesus do?” and I know that he gives me the things I can handle and has control over me.
I am not obsessive anymore, and I don’t cut myself or think of suicide. I have not done that for 6 months now. I still have a lot to work on, but I know I can do it, because I can do all things through Christ. And without him I would be dead or somewhere doing bad things.
I thank Jesus every day and am learning to forgive myself. I honestly believe that I cannot be truly happy or myself without Christ. Oh, and when I get discharged, I may be going to live with my mom. God brought her back into my life! I hope that this has shown you what God can do. Imagine what he can do for any of you!
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on October 10th, 2007 and filed under Your Stories, Suicide, Struggles.
October 10th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Danielle, I think you’re so courageous. Your dependence on God for your recovery is inspiring. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably.
October 10th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Update: Hey wow I was shocked to actually see my story on here!!! I have been praying so much latley and I know that God wants me to go and speak out to people about his word. I am so excited about it. I was reading this book I got with a Barlow Girl cd I got ( My favorite band ) and they were saying in there book about they new god wanted them to spread his word and they are not ashamed. Once I read that I was like wow, You are amazing God once again you speak to me but this time threw my favorite band. I am not ashamed of christ. He is who I am truley in love with. I will speak out! yes I am still in the group home and I am still having days where I ask God ” Why do I have to go threw this I am so tired?” But then even if I am angry with him I get threw it and know I am ready for whatever comes my way. Some people ask me arnt you mad or dont you question God for what has happend to you. And I always reply NO I dont I would not change my past for anything it makes me who I am. Without it I would not have the people I love and the faith I live for now. also and most imprtant now I would not be able to help othrs like christ wants me to. I may be out of the group home in december…and I also have court in december for my abuse. Please Pray for me.
love always in christ,
Danielle Hamilton
December 1st, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Danille,
My family will be praying for you. Please post an update so we know what happened. My brother in law wrote a song called “Crying Tonight” it has helped people who have sucidal feeling to remember what Christ did. You can hear it at www.myspace.com/4thmanfurnace I hope you remember that you are loved not only by God but, by your brothers and sisters in Christ.
In HIS grip,
Bob Farrell
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Hey Danielle.
Your story sounds kinda like mine..just I had thought of suicide mutliple times and thought of cutting as well. I understand how it feels to know you need to work on things. Well I am not sure if I could be much help but I will give you my email if you want to talk ever. I have a lot of friends who are strong Christians that I go to for help and I am sure that they would love to help as well. Its raylop80731@yahoo.com.
Praying all is well.
Roger A.