“My husband was unfaithful: hope in God’s promise”
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Michelle writes:
Three weeks ago, life as I knew it was shattered when my husband confessed that he had been physically and emotionally unfaithful for nearly a year during our marriage. In the wake of this revelation, I had really tough decisions to make that would affect not just the future of our marriage, but also the lives of our three young children and the generations to come.
A week after my husband’s confession, I left for a weekend away to really seek God’s presence and to determine His will for my life. I was sitting alone on a beach staring into the vast ocean and I called out to God and pleaded with him to guide me through these uncharted, painful waters.
At that moment, I opened His Word and it came alive to me as it never has in all my life. I was trying to look up another verse that a friend had given to comfort me, and instead landed, not by accident, in Chapter 33 of the book of Jeremiah. Entitled “Promise of Restoration,” it was as if it had been written exclusively for me for this point of my life.
When I read the third verse, I knew that I was in the presence of God. The same God who fixes the laws of Heaven and earth, the same God who created the oceans and mountains, that same God was with me in my darkest hour, my fiercest storm. The fact is that He had always been there. He was just waiting for me to call out. And through His Word, the Lord gave me a beautiful promise of a marriage completely restored.
My journey will be one through numerous and difficult emotions and there are certain to be many dark days ahead, but as I cling to the Word of God, I am comforted and strengthened. I hold tight to God’s promise of restoration, and know that my faith and hope are in Him alone.
Please note that the views expressed in this story are not necessarily the views of the American Bible Society. Story posted on March 19th, 2007 and filed under Your Stories, Divorce & Marital Conflict, Prayer.
March 19th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Wow, Michelle, thank you for sharing a powerful story that is still in progress. I pray that God will give you the love, hope, strength, and wisdom you need each day as you continue seeking restoration in your marriage.
March 22nd, 2007 at 3:53 am
Michelle, I know its not easy for you to deal with the truth and to have the courage to share your story, our God is a God of mercy and to think that He loves you unconditionally and will forgive you all your sins is enough reason to forgive your husband and the same God will restore you and your marriage like you have said. Take courage and I pray that you heal and have a wonderful marriage - its never too late for God.
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Thanks for sharing your story. God’s promises and timing are amazing! I trust that God will restore and use your story to impact many lives for Him.
(2 Cor 1:3-5)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Hi Michelle, I’ve gone through the same experience as you. Trust that the Lord would not allow us endure this indefinitely. God really has plan for us. Through this experience, my husband and I have now become more committed to God where unlike before we just took take things for granted. Lift up all your burdens and needs to the Lord. I pray that God will you strength and restore your marriage.
March 23rd, 2007 at 9:47 am
God is amazing Michelle, isn’t he? I too can say that I know what you’re going through: last year my husband confessed that he committed adultery with about five different women, and one was a prostitute! It’s been a long road, and still a long one ahead. You have to know that through Jesus you will heal and get through this. It is a daily battle, but you can do it. Remember that you chose to forgive him and stick it out with him, so try not to throw it in his face whenever you get in a quarrel with him. I’m still dealing with that. Imagine how we would feel if God threw it in our face every time we sinned and made him upset. Continue to stay in God and he will work miracles in your marriage. Remember you are a mighty woman of God! God bless you!
March 25th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Faith and trust have to be the two most difficult things that God asks of us. I too am going through a similar situation Michelle and although the world tells us to “move on,” something inside of us tells us to stay the course and pray. Quitting is not an option for us. I compare it to somebody that has a child that runs away and gets hooked on drugs. They may even be homeless. We would go to where the child is, try to help them, let them know that they’re loved, and always let them know that they are welcome home with open arms and an open heart. We must look at our spouses the same way and not give up on them or what God can do in our situations.
Let’s all pray for each other that the Holy Spirit touches the hearts of our loved ones and brings them back into a Godly spirit and into a willingness to be totally committed to the vows that they took.
My prayers are with all who are struggling in marriage for whatever reason.
May God be with you all.
March 30th, 2007 at 8:41 am
God is good all the time but when trouble comes our way its difficult to actually say it and go through it. i was very touched by ur story and the verse u got from the lord is my most favorite verse in the bible and honestly it has alot of power in it everytime i used it there was a reply from God because actually in that verse God gives a command to us To Call unto him and he promises to give u a answer and not a normal one but a really amazing one. I hope God strengthen’s you in this time but remember God takes us through paths of trouble so that when we come out we can lead many through it( all things work out for the Good for those who beleive in the lord Jesus Christ) God bless you.
March 30th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
May The LORD God Almighty Jesus Christ strengthen you and comfort you as only He can through the power of The Holy Ghost.
He will not leave you. He will never, ever forsake you.
The Father loves you, Beloved Sister. We love you, too.
March 31st, 2007 at 7:11 pm
Michelle, I am going through the exact same thing. I just found out 13 days ago that my husband had been on faithful as well about a year and a half ago but was still in constant contact with the person who lived in another state. I am still pretty devastated. I don’t think I have ever cried so much in all of my life. One good thing that has come out of this is that I have drawn so close to God that it is absolutely amazing. At first I was afraid to go to the Lord because I didn’t feel worthy because I haven’t been the most spiritual christian I should have been. I felt really guilty. But I soon realized that God is the only one that can help me through this. Fortunately, we are going to try and make it work but it is difficult because he travels and is away from home all of the time. I still don’t trust him but he tries to reassure me that he doesn’t want anyone but me and he realizes he made a horrible mistake. He is also drawing closer to God and we pray together on the phone at least twice a day. We are trying to rely on each other and the Lord to work through this. I still need prayer. I need to try and let this thing go and to stop snooping for more evidence. I am still struggling and I solicit prayers for me. Michelle I will pray for you and I hope that you will pray for me. It is a crazy that this type of thing has happened in so many christian marriages. I am just praying that my children will not inherit this legacy. Pray for me.
God bless you.
April 11th, 2007 at 11:50 pm
It is so strange that I found this site. Maybe God showed it to me? I actually went to consult with a divorce attorney today but did not make the commitment yet to follow through. My husband has cheated on me at least one time before that I know about. I can’t be sure that there weren’t other times. I always said that if he did it again that I would walk away. I found some codes that he had hidden. These were to a site where this “old friend” of his from high school has been sending him messages. The messages started out just as friends but I noticed that gradually got more intimate ending with times that they can call each other and meeting times. She even got a new hairstyle since they started “talking”. Again, my first reaction has been to walk away! I went to see a counselor and I went to talk to my assistant pastor and they both told me that before I decide to walk away that I may want to give him the chance to go through intensive counseling together. I found this information in the past week and my husband is currently out of town for his company. I have been so upset about this that I feel that I am not thinking too clearly. I mean, I need to protect myself, right? But after reading this divorce may not be the answer. I love my husband very much and I want it work. I have to find strength in God. Right now I am having a hard time doing that. I know that God is faithful even when everyone around us is not and I have to make the decision to allow Him to show his faithfullness to me. My husband comes back into town Friday evening and I am going to lay out all of the messages and ask him to explain and then give him the choice on whether or not he wants to seek counseling or divorce. PLEASE pray for me!
May 9th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Michelle that is a funny story. I had a boyfriend that I loved with all my heart and thought I would marry one day but everything fell apart once he came back from Iraq and once my mother passed away. I think we both were suffering through some post traumatic stress disorder and we both treated eachother like crap. Anyway the relationship totally ended even friendship wise and I stopped seeing him but I loved him so much still. One day I called a prayer line for God to restore the relationship. The lady prayed that God’s will for the relationship be revealed thru scripture. So I started looking in my bible and found the same heading “Promise of Restoration” in the book of Jeremiah”. At first I thought wow this must be it since the lady did pray that God’s will for the relationship be revealed thru scripture but then I told myself that obviously I want to believe that God will restore the relationship so of course im gonna say that this is the message God is trying to tell me so it really means nothing.
Then a few weeks later I went back home to visit my brothers and I called a prayer line from their phone and prayed again for the same thing. I remember it so clearly cause I was laying on my late mother’s bed at the time. Immediately after I hung up the phone with the prayer partner, I picked up my brother’s dave’s bible which was right beside me on the bed for some reason and I opened it just to be opening it cause it was right there and I IMMEDIATELY opened the bible to the same thing “Promise of Restoration” in the book of Jeremiah. This time I wasnt looking for a scripture to relate to my situation and wasnt looking thru pages and just happened to stop on there. I immediately opened it to that page without thinking about that RIGHT after I prayed that prayer. And there couldn’t have been any crease to that page or any page causing it to easily land there when that bible had barely been open period. This was 3 years ago. Now fast forward 2007, the year of God’s completion when alot of his promises are going to come to pass. I recently emailed him(my ex) and told him how me and my last boyfriend broke up and he emailed back and said “im here if you wanna talk” and we are slowly talking more and I can see more interest from him. He’s actually away right now but will be back in June. And I know this doesn’t say much since the relationship hasnt been restored yet but honestly after all the turmoil and hell we’ve been thru in the past, him even saying “im here if you wanna talk” is a miracle on its own! I know im not married like the rest of you guys but I am christian and so is he and would like nothing more than to be his wife and serve the Lord together and I truly believe this will happen and God is finally starting the restoration process.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
MICHELLE,
I AM SUFFERING THE SAME PAIN AS YOU ARE. MY CHRISTIAN HUSBAND WHOM I ADORE, AND WHOM HAS HAD LEADERSHIP POSITIONS IN THE MINISTRY TOLD ME ABOUT HIS AFFAIR THIS PAST FEBRUARY. THIS PERSON WAS EVERYTHING BUT HIS TYPE, TRASHY,A DRINKER,AND SHE DID NOT CARE WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED-SHE WANTED TO STAY WITH HIM! HE WAS SORRY AND WANTED TO MAKE THINGS WORK, HOWEVER SHE CREATED ALOT OF DRAMA CARRYING ON LIES ABOUT A PREGNANCY. AND HE FELL FOR THEM AND CONTINUED TO HAVE CONTACT WITH HER. HE LIED TO ME RIGHT TO MY FACE SO MANY TIMES. THE WORST PART IS HE STILL SAYS HE LOVES ME BUT IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME AND HES TRYING TO MAKE THIS WORK FOR THE KIDS. HE HAS TOTALLY LOST HIS FIRST LOVE AND DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT. I AM ON THE VERGE OF WALKING OUT EVERY DAY, BUT I KNOW I CANT. I FEEL TRAPPED. BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOUR SCRIPTURE HAS BROUGHT ME ENCOURAGEMENT TODAY AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE. ONLY MY MOM, HIS DAD, AND OUR PASTORS KNOW AND THAT’S THE WORST PART IS FEELING ALONE. SO THANK YOU FOR WRITING AND KNOW I WILL BE PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU GUYS AND HOPE YOU WILL PRAY FOR ME AS WELL.
May 30th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Michelle:
WOW this is awesome!!! I received the same scripture promise twice! My husband divorced me March 2005. In 2006, I started standing for my marriage. October 2006, my husband had come to pick up our 3-year-old son to take him back where he resides (400 miles away) for a week visit. He walked in the door and I noticed a wedding ring on his finger and I was in total shock!!!!! He never told me he got married. After he left, I was crying out desperately for an answer and asked God to speak to me through his word and if it’s His will to restore our marriage and I opened to Jeremiah 33 - Promise of Restoration. A few days later I prayed again for His will and randomly opened my bible to the same scripture!
Romans 8:28 And we know all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I’m waiting upon the Lord for his perfect timing. God Bless you and stand strong!!!! We serve a God of restoration!
June 1st, 2007 at 10:45 am
Just today my husband confessed he has cheated while we were separated. I had read the same scripture but it doesn’t help me I am just bitter.We came back together in March and he never told me anything ..he was to move back in today. But he wanted to start clean so he confessed , I feel so dirty, how could he have slept with someone else after he repeated assured me he didn’t. Is always going to be there. I am just on so much pain. I cant see the positive
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:27 pm
I want to thank those of you that have prayed for my marriage and shared your words of encouragement…they have all helped!! And I really appreciate those who were willing to take the vulnerable step of sharing your stories of infidelity. I feel for each one of you as it is such a difficult thing to endure.
Tomorrow it will be 4 mos. since “disclosure,” and can I just share that the Lord has exceeded my highest hopes as to where our marriage is at point! That first week, I couldn’t even conceive of ever being close again, and certainly never imagined it this soon. So it is nothing short of a miraculous healing.
But that’s not to stay it hasn’t taken a lot of work, which both of us have been willing to put in. My husband is a new man in so many ways and I am so inspired how he allowed God to use this massive mistake for His good by making significant changes in his life and by confessing his sin to others. And for me it’s been the journey toward forgiveness and grace. And there were times when I felt like I could forgive and times when I thought, there’s no way I can. Then on May 1, I made the decision to live forgiveness, whether I felt it or not. It became really clear to me that there have been countless times I have messed up in God’s eyes and yet he graciously forgives my sins so how can I withhold it from my husband? Since that time, we both have experienced how grace can change lives. I now understand when they say that forgiveness is more for you than the other person. I feel so free as I don’t have to carry the burden of all that pain..it’s in God’s arms now.
We made the decision early on to be pretty public about what happened because we wanted to “be real” with our friends and family. So many people thought we had the perfect little life and I realized that by not sharing our struggles in the past, I helped to perpetuate that image. But by “airing our dirty laundry” I have been able to share how the Lord has worked in our marriage, and how the Lord has used this horrible experience to draw me closer to Him. We both feel that it has brought us closer to our friends because we now share an intimacy with them that we didn’t previously. And you know, people are a lot more willing to be vulnerable with you, when you are with them. I can identify so much more clearly with peoples’ struggles, whether it’s infidelity or breast cancer or whatever. We all have some form of trial in our lives and the question is how we will respond.
After my husband disclosed his affair, I made a decision early on to trust the Lord in spite of the how hopeless the circumstances appeared. And I am so thankful I did because I have witnessed firsthand His mighty power. He can do exceedingly more than ask or imagine!
July 6th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Let me add to the list of people who share your pain. My husband confessed of an affair while in an over the phone argument, and from that conversation has been gone since 3/26/07. We saw eachother almost daily afterward but there was a hate wall up, it wasnt until about May that I began to see God really wanting me to fight for my marraige. It was then that I was lead to the first few chapters in Hosea soon followed by Jerm 33!! For those of you who are praying for a restored marraige and have a spouse that has left you, I highly recomment these 3 sites: http://www.faithandmarriage.com/
http://www.restoreministries.net/
http://www.rejoiceministries.org/
These are the sites the Lord has given me for constant encouragement!!! I am beliving God for my marraige, and praying over my husband, I also found out through of this God uses these situations to form us into the people He wants us to be, and convicts our hearts and helps our vision of love really expand until it’s like Christs!!! Although I am not perfect, I feel God has given me His knowlage instead of the worlds menatlity, The world says “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” God says “For I WILL restore th fortunes of the land as they were before” says The Lord Jerm 33:11 and “But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.” —Matthew 19:26 Praise GOD!!!
September 28th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Help me! I am in that dark and scary place right now.
October 9th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
My world fell apart on September 19, 2007, my husband and I’ve been married six years on August 21st. I’ve trusted him and believed he would never do anything to damage our marriage, I based my trust on his faith in God. On that day I went into town to pick up some items, his cell phone was sitting on the dash of the pick up, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA why I looked at his phone, I’ve never looked in the past. There were several text messages in the inbox (saved), I scrolled down through them and the first was a message about someone resigning from work, no big deal, so I went on and on and on, the messages just got worse and worse, he saying that she was the one for him and that he wasn’t taken. There was even a picture she had sent to him. I forwarded all the messages and picture to my cell phone and then asked him who the woman in the picture was, he told me he didn’t know. I told him the picture was on his cell phone, he took the phone and deleted all the messages and picture. I was so stunned, I told him that I had all the messages on my phone, he started to cry and said she didn’t mean anything and he was just messing around. This woman works for the same organization but in a different location, different State. He says there was never a sexual relationship, which I don’t know to be the truth. I can’t believe the physical pain I feel inside, the doubt, heartache, mistrust. I’ve prayed and given my burden to God and then in the next instant I’m dwelling on it again, snatched it back, and back in misery again.Please pray for me, I’m going to read Jeremiah 33 today, for the promise of restoration, I love my husband and want to be his wife for the rest of my life.
October 13th, 2007 at 11:25 am
You probably will not like or accept my comments.
#1 When your husband cheats with one or more and / or a female that charges STDs are a REAL thing you have to face and go get tested - you and your “husband”.
#2 Alot of women stay because they don’t have the money to seperate and get a place so they can have tough love and take themselves out of danger of STDs that could KILL them. Women don’t make as much and its very expensive to leave.
I feel there needs to be homes for females that have been abused. Somewhere they can leave and go to so they aren’t in danger of STDs or other harm. They don’t need a home with drug or alcoholics (those who choose to destroy their lives) but with females that are harmed/betrayed.
There needs to be free counseling with a christian counselor who is familiar with abuse and what needs to be done when there has been adultry, etc.
If the husband chooses to stay in his adultry / dangerous lifestyle then their needs to be attornies who can help women get the divorce and not get slandered and abused more when the husband has the money and attorney.
Too many children of husbands that cheat and wives that stay due to lack of a place to go, and no money to seperate to see if the husband is sincere and going to do what it takes to stop his adultry and dangerous life style. Children need to know that the mother is going to protect them and not stay in an enviornment that is dangerous to them learning what isn’t ok!!
If the husband or wife that committed adultry is serious about repenting then his actions and walk with the Lord will show this and he will want BOTH of them to go get tested for ALL the STDs that can kill either or both of them and leave their children orphans.
October 14th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Michelle,
You are a STRONG woman. Some day, I hope I have half of your strength and move on. God is in my heart and I believe in him. My husband is not placed anywhere within and I don’t believe in him anymore. God is probably doing some good to keep him away from my heart. That heartbreaker! That heartache! Best wishes.
Sue
March 19th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
I just wanted to ask…. Of those marriages where husbands were unfaithful, and you made a choice to work it out and stayed with him, what is it like after some time? A year down the road? Has he returned to doing the same? I have heard that usually when men cheat, they have hard time stopping this behavior. There is something in them, their marriage or their spouce that does not satisfy them, and they go looking for it somewhere else. I found a week ago that my husband has had an affair with an individual he met online. I feel very hurt. I am realizing that he doesn’t love or respect me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if this marriage is worth saving…
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:03 am
Hi Lila~
I have lived through an affair. It was 2 1/2 yr ago that my husband told me about it, but almost 5yr since the actual affair. For me, my marriage went to the pits before it got better. I had so much resentment & anger that I went and had a one night stand with a man.. in total revenge and caused so much more pain. I wish I would have stayed close to the Truth of Jesus Christ and not fed into the lies of satan… Dr James Dobson ha a great book “love must be TOUGH”. Marriage IS worth saving! We have renewed our vows and been given the opportunity to share our story of HOPE with our entire church and I have with 3 womens groups. For me, that hardest part after the affair was to see where I had been hurting our marriage for the previous 8 years. But to be honest, that has been the saving grace too! I have focused on changing me! Celebrate Recovery has been a place I found great help too! I hope that those 2 resources will help you along side of your full dependance of God.. Remember you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength! In our own power, nothing works~
April 28th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I just found out my husband , who i thouht was a man of God , a good christian,who I thought was so in love with me had an affair while I was prgnant..to make matters worse he did not tell me the whole story till i called the woman and she told me she slept with him since before we got married and 5mnths after marriage while pregnant with our 1st child then went away in 04,05,06 and came back this summer(07) while i was pregnant with our 2nd son .I feel like my whole marriage has being a lie, that i don’t even know who this man is .Am i that bad of a person that God feels that i deserve such a man in my life . I feel so betray by God not to mention my husband , what did i do to deserve this . how can i move on from this or restore this marriage for the sake of my newborn and toddler? I need guidance, i’m loosing faith and i’m in despair.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
When I first posted this blog more than a year ago, I had just learned of my husband’s affair and the Lord spoke to me so clearly by giving me Jeremiah 33. “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” And I want to share with you what the Lord has done. He is true to his Word, he has done great and unsearchable things. Though I trusted Him, I couldn’t have fathomed how he would use such misery for good. Now I see. My relationship will God is so much more intimate. And who would have predicted that our marriage would be stronger as result? And He has given us both a vision for using this as a ministry to people who have been through the same ordeal.
It has been a long time since I visited this site and as I read all of the postings, I was saddened by how many have endured the same hardship of infidelity. But to each of you, I want to offer hope. The hope that our God is true to His Word, He is faithful to his promises and His love for us is deeper than we can measure. He sent His son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we reconciled to Him. He is the a God of reconciliation. A God of second chances and the Great Physician. He offers healing if we only just cast ourselves fully into His tender care.
If you would like someone to “talk” to, I would be pleased to help in any way that I can. As one who has walked this road of pain and come out on the other side strengthen by the grace of God, I know where you are and how you are hurting. Please email me at michelle_trowbridge@yahoo.com.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:47 am
Hi everyone got an email from here don’t know how but it was God’s will… I did also go through the samething, my husband and i got separated after 7 years of marriage and he was unfaithful we were 19 when we got married and to me he was a prince that would never fail me. I understand how hard it is I was devastated I remember I didn’t eat for two weeks and lost 20 pounds in a month. Anyways the amazing thing is that I got the same scripture as Michelle did, at the time even though I loved God I wasn’t sure wether I was just hoping in vain. Its been a year now since then my husband and I came back together our first son was born 23 days ago. We are happy ..still hurst sometime but since then we have drawn closer to God and we see life different our marriage is much better is deeper now and must importantly dependant on God. All I can say is to be patient to pay attention to the signs Gods gives you. To keep praying and to humble yourselves to God. I received a scripture Isiah 45 shortly before my husband and I got back togetgher and I see it coming true. God would do anything to draw you closer wether with your husbands or someone else better. He would do what is best for you, TRUST HIM and PAY attention there is something he’s trying to fix in YOU first, in my case I am very intelligent successful and somehow got away from God and forgot everyting I am and had was because of his grace, humnility was a big lesson for me.
Find out what is yours. If you need to talk you can also email me at grace.torres24@yahoo.com
July 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am
It is good to know that I am not alone in this situation despite how I am feeling. I have been married for almost 8 years and during this time my husband who is supposed to be a minister at our church, confessed to having several affairs. In the past I have been able to forgive him and do my best to forget this situation, but his last affair was in our house, while our two children were downstairs and I at work. I understand that as Christian we will endure hardship, but I have reached my point of exhaustion. I am angry at God, at him, at the pastor who keeps telling me “this is a no divorce zone” and myself for being here. I have prayed and fasted and cried and all I feel is emptiness. I honestly want this relationship to end. I know it may be hard raising my two boys, but I would rather struggle with them. I know God is a restorer, but I think Christians are choosing to live unholy and selfishly endangering others to satisfy their own lust. I sympathize with everyone who has endured such hardship, but I cannot go thru it anymore; especially when my husband keeps saying he is sorry but months or a year later he does it again. Right now my pray is that he will stay with one of his women, I have no more love for him.
July 19th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Fredi~
I wanted to tell you I am so sorry. Affairs hurt and stretch us to a place that we never thought we would go on our wedding day. I shared a little of my story above and want to share with you a resource that is amazing, LOVE MUST BE TOUGH BY JAMES DOBSON. It is worth it! It will help you make clear and large guidelines for your marriage to begin again. I hope that you take time alone to read that book. I know you say you have no more love, neither did I. Love is not a feeling though..so it’s not something we have it’s something we choose to give. At this point nothing is “required of you” but you have the choice to give the gift of forgiveness again or move on. In the book “The Language of Sex by Ted Cunningham & Gary Smalley” on page 227 they talk about Matthew 19:9. This is what it says “Matthew 19:9 teaches us that divorce is wrong “except for marital unfaithfulness.” The word there for marital unfaithfulness is porneia. It means physical adultry that is persistant, relentless & unrepentant. Lust has never been listed in scripture for grounds of divorce” So, my take on what the author is saying is… Do you see a repentant heart? Has he ended the relationship? Or does he return to her or others.. In that situation, biblically in the orginal text, you do have grounds to leave. Just wanted to share the knowledge that I gained from reading this summer. I will pray for the wisdom you receive in the coming weeks. Stay strong… If you need another amazing read to guide you through.. Francine Rivers book Redeeming Love. It’s the story of hosea.. See yourself as the man…
God Bless You Dear Sister in Christ!
August 1st, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I have to say my fellow sisters that after reading your testimonys and silently open to gods word i felt strongly that many of you have been misinterpreting the message of restoration the message of restoration was for yourself that you would survive this difficult time and know that god has the path in mind for you i felt the lords anger in how his daughters have been dishonered and how faithfully his daughters have been standing with faith to men so unfaithfull the clear scripture ” do not cast pearls before swine” comes to mind he is standing by with compassion and promises to restore our spirits not to restore a broken covenant by unfaithfull men.
August 1st, 2008 at 4:34 pm
sisters remember who you are you are daughters of the king and queen of heaven you are royalty! and i feel so much from all of you and this idea that one should not divorce ubder such circumstances is wrong! it is not right being hurt constantly is not something our heavenly parents want for us i feel the church will change not to fit our needs but to fit what is true and has been misinterpreted god bless all of you
August 4th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I have to share that I just got the last 2 posts from Leah and I am a bit offended. My marriage has been extrememly blessed by the restoration from the affairs we have been through. It was the toughest road I have ever travel.We went through 1 1/2yrs of counseling but in the end I gave and received an amazing forgiveness that not many will expereince. Most people give up because the pain is too much. I was taking Beth Moore’s study on Believing God and it taugh me to walk through the pain and into God’s grace. Through God’s grace I learned to forgive and accept forgiveness.
It is a personal decision to forgive/restore the marriage and I do not think it should be blanketed by anyone that you should or should not stay married. If both husband/wife are admitting their wrong, asked for forgiveness and turned from their way, read the scripture word for word. It does not okay divorce. Look into the context of scripture not just the words that make scripture convenient.
Have any of you read The Shack? It’s about a Great Sadness. The author wrote the book for his children. It’s fiction but His Great Sadness in his life was an affair he had with his wifes friend, then suffered for 7 years of Geart Sadness till he went through 9 mo of counsel. The marriage is restored and beautiful today!! You can listen to him being interviewed on a radio show on his website www.theshackbook.com I believe it was an april 26 interview. He tells this story in depth.
Pray and seek cousel before decisions are made to end a marriage. Have you ever heard the analogy of building a city on a city? When you and your husband married (first marriage for both) You had a solid foundation to build upon. You 2 built a marriage/family (a city). Well, when the marraige ends, the city does not go away it is just left unattended. When either of you re-marry, you are building a city on a city. There is no stable ground. There are xhusbands, step kids, alamony, child support, the list goes on. Your new marraige will be built upon those unstable things. It will take so much more work than possibly making work what you have~ I heard that in a Family Life Marriage Conference and it has impacted me deeply.
Love is NOT a feeling, it’s an action~
August 5th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Since I was the one who began this string on infidelity, I feel compelled to address some of the recent posts. My intension was to share my story of a promise that God gave me. When I found out about my husband’s betrayal, I went away that weekend to determine whether or not I should stay with him. I believed that from a Biblical perspective (see Matthew 19:3-9), I had just cause to divorce, but was that what God wanted me to do? My husband had confessed his affair a year after it had ended because he could no longer live a lie. I probably would have never found out had he not felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit to come clean to me. And when he told me, he was a completely broken man. I had never seen him cry before then and for the next 6 weeks, he wept often. He was remorseful and repentant. I recently heard that a true apology has three parts. 1) I’m sorry 2) It was my fault 3) What can I do to make it better. All of those were his words in the aftermath of his confession. But that didn’t change the hurt, anger and betrayal I felt. I too was now broken. I had a broken heart and a broken spirit. But it was in that place of brokenness that I heard the Lord speak for the very first time…and it was louder than words. The miracle of that moment was not just the revelation of his power to restore a marriage that the brink of divorce, it was the fact that when I cried out to him, He heard my cry and answered! And he was with me at that moment and every difficult (and joyous) moment to come in the next 18 mos. I poured out my tears to Lord and felt his compassion. He knows our suffering because he too suffered betrayal from those closest to him. But look what became of Peter after he denied Christ three times. After Jesus’ resurrection, he was reinstated and restored. He became a pillar of the early church, wrote part of the New Testament and died as a martyr. And what has become of my husband a year and a half after he confessed his betrayal? His faith has been renewed. He lives a live of sexual purity. He shares openly with others his mistakes and how to avoid them. He shares the Gospel with a new zeal, even in the Islamic country, where we moved to. He renewed his vows to me in middle of the desert under the stars and presented me with a beautiful cross pendant. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross and the grace that comes with that ultimate act of love, my husband is a changed man. I am changed too and I am so thankful that I stayed married to him to experience this transformation together. But every circumstance is different. Every marriage is different. The individuals involved are unique, as is where they are on their spiritual journey. Every betrayed spouse must choose their response for themselves through the counsel of the Most High. I am praying for healing for each of your marriages, but I do not know God’s plan for your lives. But I what I do know for certain is that His promises are true. I love Psalm 34, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all.” He will deliver!! And I leave you with one more promise from Psalm 27, v.13 “I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
August 5th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I took the time to read this coments as I also endured pain. I was able to see my posting when I found out, a year later after I found out and well now. I am happy to say that for me God has done a lot. My husband and I have a beautiful baby and we are Blessed all around. I don’t think anyone here is arguing that God can restore a marriage when two people truly cling to God and are willing. I think we are misinterpreting Leah I like to believe that Lea wasn’t speaking to everyone. Many marriages are blessed and even better after a trial like this. But I can see why Lea repsonded this way especially after reading Fredi’s coments. We should not take this personal after all she is only a human being that could and is entitled to make mistakes and express her opinions. I agree with Leah that we should not stay in a marriage if we are unhappy and if we have tried and have grounds to leave. I agree with Michelle each situation is different and we should seek God’s counseling ONLY. In my case again my marriage has grownth to different level..and My husband is a Godly man now. He truly repented and his change is seen in his actions everyday. I trust him and love him and we are happy. However one must truly examine each situation different. I can not advise Fredi to separate or stay. I would ask her to go deeply into prayer and see what God likes her to do. God does not one us to be misserable. He wants us to be happy. God gives us clear signs and we should not ignore them.
My favorite scripture is” don’t you see I am opening a way in the wilderness. Forget the former things behold the new has come”
For me a new restored marriage for Fredi this may mean run! he can do a new thing ! I don’t know we should pray that God answers her.
Love you all
September 10th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I am sorry this is not a response to Michelle’s orginal letter but i didnt’ know where else to post and I need my sisters right now. I have been married for 24 years. I married unequally yoked. I prayed and God gave me a clear sign not to marry this man. Because of my insecurity and fear no one else would want me I married him. On my wedding day with my family I cried when my maid of honor asked if I was sure about this(I didn’t let her know or see). On my wedding day with his family he stayed up and drank with his buddies, something he promised me he wouldn’t do and wouldn’t be a part of our life. I begged my parents to let me go home with them that night. They said I had made my choice. He promised me we would live a christian life, that I could live my life for God and teach our children. Basically he has lied to me from the beginning. He got baptised, why? to please me, he goes to church why? to please me (so I am happy and will have sex with him). I have been living this kind of life with him and now it has amplified itself even more now that the children are out of the house. His idea of children out of the house is that we can have sex anytime as often as we (he) likes. Why not, what else is there in life to do? He does and says everything just to keep me happy so he can get his sex. He lies and lies and lies to me about everything, says godly things to me and the children to try to prove he is a good christian. He is very good to me in many ways but my hatred for him grows every time he promises me or tells me we are going to make some changes for a better relationship and closer relationship to God (then I feel hope and make love with him) but doesn’t do the very thing he said he wanted and knows we should do (then I find out he lied to me again and pull away). This is after every marriage conference we go to, every healing seminar we go to, every growing in Christ workshop we go to, every counseling session we go to (he lies through his teeth to them! and they believe him over me!) He only says and promises things to get sex from me. Then once he has what he wants he forgets all about what he promised or declared. I feel like his prostitute, not his wife. I have had a cryotherapy to surgically freeze my uterus to clean off the chewed up meat on my cervix from too much sex. I died for a few seconds in the office, doctor said maybe I went in to shock, he wasn’t sure what happened. I just know now that death doesn’t hurt, it was wonderful and peaceful! After the procedure, my doctor said rest 6 weeks. He also was very angry with me that I hadn’t told my husband “NO”. My husband after 2 weeks insisted I was o.k. and ready for sex. I also feel like I am living a lie. For peace sake, I just give him what he wants and do what he wants but my spirit is dying. When I try to talk to pastors or people at church. They always give me the “obey” your husband line. Do they not know that even the disciples and many christians today do not obey the “government” for the sake of righteousness, truth and the gospel! If I “obey” my husband I will not have any friends who can minister to me or I can minister to with the gifts that God has given me.
I use to pray for people and God would heal them, I use to pray for them and God would give me visions or words for inner healing and strengthening of their faith. I use to evangelize to those the spirit put on my heart or minister to their needs right on the street and God blessed it every time. Everything that is good and of God is dead in me right now as I try to “obey” my husband and be a good wife to him. Our children love God and are following hard after him, because I defied my husband and the churches advice during their growing years and did what I believed was best and good for them. I taught them fervently about the Lord to my husbands displeasure and interference. My son who is outstanding in his faith, love and obedience to God has found a young lady he would like to court. He has done everything to keep us together, and it would devastate my children if we were to divorce. What do I tell a young girl who wants to marry my son about her possible in-laws? “We might get a divorce”, “Guard your children from their grandfather, he will lie to them”?! My children believe their dad has hurt me but they really don’t see what he is doing that deserves me to leave him. They themselves are deceived, he is very good at it. I feel like I need a week or month long place to go to, to heal and be restored in Gods love. I feel no love or concern for others or even have a desire to do anything good right now. Please pray for me . . . I will look back here for responses because he reads my e-mails . . .
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:52 pm
When searching online I today, I typed in “Can I give up now?”, I came across this website. I have been struggling with whether or not to stand for my marriage since the first day my husband left 4 months agi. This has been so hard for me, but this website has given me some hope. I know that God is still in the blessing business and I am believing Him for a miracle in my marriage. God has already shown me that my husband is meant to be an awesome powerhouse in the church and that we are going to have another child. We have never had any children together, but over a year ago, I had a dream about us having one. I am thankful for the renewing I felt today when reading this. To be honest, I do not know what my husband has done since he has left my home. I expect the worse so that I am not surprised. It keeps me from feeling hurt when someone says something about him around me. If there are any prayer warriors out there that know the power of prayer and that God can restore and save anyone, please PRAY for the salvation of my husband and the restoration of my marriage. To be honest, if he gets saved and doesn’t come home, I still count it as a blessing. I refuse to sit idly by while my husband goes to hell. I will continue to pray for him daily! Please pray for our entire family as we through this time.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Deanna Joy,
I lived the life you live for many years. Then we found out my husband had Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. One day he had a gran mal seizure. The doctor asked me that night if he was addicted to sex. I said yes and the other symptoms were described too: agitation, anxiety, psychotic tendencies, etc. Everything has now changed. It has been 8 years of seizures, illnesses, attempted suicide, hospitalizations, medications too numerous to tell, and RESTORATION.(Jeremiah 31) Get him to a doctor for an EEG. Explain his addiction and symptoms. Go to a psychologist with him or alone. Paul says in 1 Peter 5:10 that restoration, support, strength, and a firm foundation will follow our suffering.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Thank you for letting me share my experience so that it might light the way for Deanna Joy.